"You've forgotten who you are," she whispered as she broke from him, "I'm going to remind you."

"Much has changed," a familiar voice rang out, reminding Spike that there were others in the room.

***

we discovered we are both pleasantly furious half of the time when we're not just toeing the line

Gunn and Faith headed back to the Summers' home, nestled on tree lined Revello Drive.

"I used to dream of living on a street like this," Faith said wistfully, not really noticing that she was voicing dreams to someone who was nearly a complete stranger, "in a house like Buffy's with a mom like hers."

"Me too," Gunn said, smiling at her surprised look, "What? You think I grew up with the Brady Bunch?"

"I don't know," Faith said, her brow wrinkling with thought, "I guess I kinda figured you were from a good home. You act like...you were loved."

"I was," he said, pain creeping into his voice, "My sister, Alanna and I were orphans. She loved me."

"Loved?"

"She was killed."

"By...by who? Vampires? Is that why you're in this gig?" she asked, slightly tightening her grip on his hand without realizing it as she waited for his answer.

"First by vampires, then by me," he answered, hanging his head in shame, as if there was something to be ashamed of. Deep in his heart, he would never forgive himself for what happened to his little sister. It was his job to protect her and keep her safe and he failed. Utter failure was achieved with her death unlike any that he had ever experienced before and he knew that no other pain would affect him that way again. He smiled sadly at The Slayer by his side and watched her lean forward as they walked to catch his eyes. He couldn't help but feel guilty even for staking his sister. She was a demon, yes, but no matter her constitution, she was still his family. And he reduced her to a pile of ashes.

"You realize that wasn't your fault, right?" Faith asked, being the local expert, next to Angel, on self blame. She felt guilt for a million things. So many, in fact, that she had almost begun categorizing her pain and placing priority on her guilt. Some things were simply unavoidable and she had to learn that the hard way.

"Yeah," he lied, not meeting her eyes. Faith stopped cold and yanked on his hand, forcing him to turn and face her.

"It wasn't your fault," she repeated forcefully, "Some things are just not possible to control. She was killed by a *demon.* You can blame yourself for not being there but you can't be everywhere at once. The thing you killed was the demon who killed her, not your sister."

"I know," he said nodding, meeting her eyes, even though he wanted nothing more to shrug her off and run away.

"No, you don't," she said angrily, finding more eloquence than she had ever been able to muster. Something in Gunn made her stronger and weaker, less afraid and terrified, "I know blame and you're it. You a walking heap of blame."

"She was my sister," he muttered, lost in the big brown eyes of the ex-rogue Slayer.

"She became a demon," Faith said coldly, her chest heaving as she forced out the words, as if in saving Gunn, she could somehow save herself, "You have nothing to atone for...unlike me. You're good. Don't talk yourself out of it."

"Someday..." he started.

"I can see why you hide this part of yourself," she snapped, "You're helpless here in this state of mind. I could break you...and a year ago I would have. Right now I just feel like breaking your nose."

"Then break it Slayer," he said, rising to a grin and thankful for the change in tempo of the conversation.

"I might," she said, smiling back, "But I'll wait until you're not expecting it."

She leaned forward the few inches it took to kiss his lips and felt like a giddy, timid schoolgirl, flirting with the popular boy. She hadn't actually *liked* someone like this in a very long time. His lips were soft and sweet and he slid his hands to her hips. Just the weight of his large hands lingering over her hips was more intimate than most of the sex she had had. This beautiful man made her feel like maybe, just maybe, she was worth something.

"Well that was unexpected," he said against her lips before taking a long pull on them again.

"I'm just full of surprises," she said with a smile against his mouth. His skin was warm and inviting underneath her fingers. She pressed against him as they kissed, not knowing what to do next. He drove and she sat shotgun. For the first time in her life, she allowed a man control.

"I like it," he said, thanking his lucky stars for the Slayer molding herself around him. He sucked in her energy and began to sizzle with it as he pulled her tighter in his arms. He wasn't only attracted to her, he felt like he had finally found what he had been looking for.

***

gravity is nothing to me. i'm moving at the speed of sound.
i'm just gonna get my feet wet until i drown.

Buffy felt dizzy and her thoughts were murky as she ran toward Angel's old apartment. She knew that's where he was. She remembered the pull that place used to have. The apartment, which rested in the basement of an old building across town, was like a treasure of pain waiting to be cracked open. Every step that took her closer to the place where she lost her virginity in Angel's arms, where she released the demon that killed Jenny Calendar, was regret in motion.

Tears began blurring her vision as she went, thinking about the sanity that was unraveling inside her lover as she went. She knew that this too was her fault. The Order of Taraka was doing this to make her weaker and it was working. Angel, once again, was suffering because of her and soon, she knew, others would suffer for it as well. Angel was capable of things that made her skin crawl and even though she knew it wasn't Angelus that was being unleashed, she had no idea what this new side of him could do.

Her mind began to slowly uncoil inside itself as well as she stumbled forward. She knew that she would drown in her own dementia if something happened to him. She wouldn't be able to stand the pain that he would create inside her. She picked up the pace as she thought about the impending danger. Her Angel was slipping. She could feel it well up inside her and came back with a burning terror that was cropping away her wits.

***

you can't get through it. you can't get over it.
you can't get around. just like in a dream
you'll open your mouth to scream and you won't make a sound

Riley watched Angel's movements closely as he felt the blood dripping from his cheek. He knew next to nothing about Angel and Spike was not very helpful in his descriptions of the vampire, but Spike did tell briefly about Angel being "The Scourge of Europe." He wasn't sure how much of what the peroxide vampire said was true, but his words about how darkly evil and vicious he had been before he regained his soul, made Riley begin to quake with fear. He did not want to die today, not by the hands of Buffy's lover. He would rather be killed by Spike than Angel.

In spite of his better judgment, he couldn't help but keep his mind to running back to Buffy. She wouldn't be able to handle it if the demon she loved killed him. Riley knew Buffy well enough to know that.

Meanwhile, Angel was trying to clear the mental clutter that was attacking his mind, but he could only come up with the same thing - Riley had to be punished. The thought had first come to him when he was making love to Buffy after she broke up with the soldier. The thought of her lying naked beneath the boy, accepting him inside her, admitting him access, made Angel furious. Somewhere inside his mind, the rational, peaceable thoughts tried to break in but they were turned away, forlorned.

Darkness invaded every light thought of his lover and he found his anger beginning to turn on her as well. Here lies the dark contradiction, the terrible conflict of the love he had for her and the anger he felt toward her actions. He could not remember that he left her for a normal life or that Riley was just an innocent bystander in his hurricane of emotions. He would force the accused to confess to his crimes and Angel couldn't wait to step into the role of the torturer. He wanted so badly to punish and punish...

And punish.

"You know," Angel said smoothly, his voice betraying no tremble of unbalance and yet, the words themselves divulged the fact, "Two thousand years ago, the Chinese acupuncture needles were made of stone."

"Oh really?" Riley spat sarcastically, looking around the room for a possible escape and pulling roughly on the chains that kept him braced against the wall.

"Yes," Angel smoothed, ignoring the tone of his victim's tone of voice. He lifted the glass incasement that held one of his most precious possessions, an ancient marble statue, and wondered why he had left it behind. Resting at the bottom of the case were a group of long stone needles. Angel scooped them up gently and held them up for Riley to see.

"These are called bion stones," Angel explained, as if he were talking to a history class, "There was no iron casting in ancient times, as I'm sure you know. Rather exquisite craftsmanship, wouldn't you say? I found them on my travels in China just after The Opium War."

Angel sighed in the memory, "That was some serious chaos."

"Acupuncture was used for medical reasons," Riley tried to reason, looking at the long needles with fear, "They were used to heal, not hurt people."

"Aye," Angel said, falling into his old brogue as his mind slipped away a little further and crossed the room, pushing one of the implements into and through Riley's shoulder. He kept talking as Riley screamed, ignoring the grating shouts of pain, "They are when used correctly but I forget the procedures exactly. It was such a long time ago. Maybe you'll remind me."

"You can't kill me," Riley gasped, heaving for breath to calm the pain. He looked over at the thin piece of stone protruding through his shoulder and touching the wall behind him.

"The colonials," Angel explained, his Irish accent becoming thicker as he spoke, "Were idiots. They thought bion stones were weapons and used them as such after the fall of the Qing Dynasty. Many innocent Chinese people were harmed with these fun little sticks."

Angel pushed another all the way through Riley's other shoulder and shuddered with pleasure. He pinned one of the boy's hands into the wall behind him.

"Buffy won't understand this," Riley said, attempting once again to get at the source of the vampire's unbeating heart, "She's going to find us soon and she'll not forgive this."

Angel cocked his head as if listening but was actually feeling. He was feeling her approach, "She's already on her way."

"How would you know?" Riley said, hoping to God that he was right.

"I feel her," Angel whispered, pushing another bion stone through the boy's other hand, "We're connected."

"She feels you too?" Riley asked.

"Yes," Angel mused, watching the blood drip from the boy hungrily, "Interesting, isn't it? She probably already knows I'm not behaving. She can feel me scratching at her mind. But we're off track aren't we? I have a lot to accomplish before my love arrives and breaks up the fun."

"She's not yours," Riley repeated, hoping to break sense into the psychosis that the vampire was trapped in, "or she won't be after she sees this."

Angel pushed another needle through Riley's upper arm, loving the give of flesh against stone, "Oh, I don't know. I think I make her forget eventually. See you misunderstand. This isn't just plain evil or sadism, this is punishment. Torture just isn't about pain or my banal amusement, which is abundant, I can assure you, it's about a masterful recreation of history, it's about transforming old techniques into new art. This isn't about Buffy. This is about you. You touched something that was mine. You need to be punished. It's that simple."

"It is about Buffy," Riley groaned as another needle pierced his thigh. His head was beginning to swim as the pain took over and he found himself forcing the words out, "It's about your crazy possession of her. I think you forgot that you left her a long time ago. I was what she needed."

"Not anymore," Angel said, sitting back in his chair to admire his work. Buffy would be here soon and he had to think about how he wanted to proceed. Should he kill Riley before she was able to save him or should he make her watch while he performed the deed? Tough decisions were definitely on the way.

***

there's a changing constellation

"Giles," Willow said lightly, beckoning the Watcher to her side to look at the book before her, "I think we have a problem."

"What is it, Willow?" Giles said, leaning to look over her shoulder at the text opened on the dining room table before her.

"Those demons might not have just caused Angel to go insane," Willow said, clouding with worry as she spoke.

"Oh dear," Giles admitted as his eyes quickly scanned the small type.

"What?" Xander asked, making his way to the pair of book worms, while munching nervously on a twinkie.

"It appears that since the demons are psychically connected, their spells are too," Giles explained, still skimming the page.

"So, since Angel and Buffy are connected," Willow said, "Buffy might be infected by the spell as well."

"Precisely," Giles said, "Which means-"

"We gotta find Buffy before she teams up with Angel," Xander finished

"Can you imagine what will happen if they are both essentially..insane?" Giles asked, finally looking over the nervous group.

"The strongest Slayer in history and the Scourge of Europe side by side reeking havoc on a Hellmouth that is about to open..." Wesley mused, staring wide eyed at his fellow British Watcher who nodded with emphasis.

"We gotta find Buffy right now," Xander said, crossing the room to find the weapons trunk.

"Oh yeah," Cordy said standing and following him over.

"Willow and Tara," Giles said, over his shoulder as he headed to join the couple at the weapon's trunk, "look for a spell to reverse this and please hurry."

Faith and Gunn entered the house as the commotion was beginning. Coralled into the forthcoming fray, they grabbed weapons and followed the group back into the night.

***

yeah, i would like to perfect the art of being studiously aloof
like life is just a boring chore and i am living proof

Spike turned at the voice, and tossed an arm around Dru, that appeared aloof and casual.

"Penn," Spike said, "Thought you were dust, mate."

"Wolfram and Hart are remarkably talented at raising the dead."

"Grandmummy's next," Dru announced excitedly beside him, clapping her hands like a child.

"Right then," Spike said, holding Dru tightly, as if her strength could be borrowed through her skin, "What are you crazies up to now?"

"Well that depends," Penn said, his hands templed like Angelus and his eyes cold as ever.

"On what?"

"You, Spike," Penn said, "You have a choice. We can remove your chip and you can rejoin our ranks or you can hang on The Slayer's coat tails and die with her, Angelus and their little friends."

"You can remove the bloody chip?" Spike nearly yelled.

"Our friends can," He answered, his hand fluttering to The Ten at his right side.

"We can be together again," Drusilla droned in a light tranced voice, "We can play and hunt again. And when we kill The Slayer, you will be mine again."

Spike stood, pausing before his family and the ten. He chased his mind around in his head as he thought about his love for Buffy and his love for Drusilla and more importantly, the kill. Everything could be as it was. He met his brother's eyes with seriousness and dedication, "Get the damn chip out of my head and we'll get to business."

Penn looked intently at Spike for a long moment before looking over at the ten and nodding. Dru stepped away from him as the ten approached. The power streaming off of them was making Spike's entrails shift inside his gut. They surrounded him and their minds crushed into his. He released a blood curdling scream as they ripped inside his brain.

***

it's half an inch from here to the other side

Buffy was out of breath and covered with a fine sheen of sweat when she made it into the old building and to Angel's door. She didn't bother knocking but turned the knob and finding it unlocked, walked inside. Angel was waiting on the other side of the threshold and pulled her roughly into his arms. His kisses were crazed and urgent and she responded with just as much imprudent compulsion.

She heard a muffled cry coming from the side of the room and tried to turn her head to look, but Angel turned her away and pressed her harder against him. Pulling her back into a kiss, she was momentarily lost in him. Her thoughts were so muddled, bouncing back and forth between Angel's hard body demanding hers to respond and the cries growing louder and more frequent behind her. Finally, she ripped herself away and turned to see the bloody body of her ex-boyfriend, artfully tortured and weak by her current one.

"Oh my God, Riley," Buffy wheezed as she looked over his body, which was sagging against the wall and shaking in constant pain.

"I was just having a little chat with your ex-lover," Angel said, settling back into his armchair, "But I think I've made my point."

"I can see that," Buffy blurted as she hurried across the room to him. She stopped cold in front of him, meeting his anguished eyes, thinking about how to handle the situation.

"Don't keep me waiting, lover," Angel crooned, inspecting her actions closely, "The sooner this is over, the sooner I can make love to you again."

"Keep you waiting for what?" Buffy asked, casting her hazel eyes over at him.

"I wanna see you pull the stones out," he answered, "It's half the fun and you're entitled to half, baby."

Buffy looked back at Riley and knew that the stones had to be removed either way. "This is gonna hurt...a lot." Buffy said, biting her lip as she reached out for the first one, still deliberating on how she was going to get Angel out of this without killing him.

"No shit," Riley sneered and then screamed as she pulled out the first.

Angel came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Mmmm..." he hummed as he kissed her neck, "You look so hot doing that...course you usually do."

Buffy took a deep breath, trying to focus on Riley but was swayed toward her demon as she pulled out the second stone.

"Angel," she moaned briefly closing her eyes, allowing the two priceless stones to slip from her hands and break on the floor, as he cupped her breasts, kissed her neck and pressed his arousal into her round ass. Riley looked on in shock as the worry disappeared from her face and was replaced by a more exact madness, matching her lover's.

"Buffy," Riley pleaded, causing her to look up at him, "He's making you crazy. Look what he's done to me! Help me, set me free and I'll get you away from here."

Angel's eyes narrowed in anger and he pulled the other two stones out roughly, making sure they made a larger, twisting hole with their exit. He then reached down, moving his hands over her hips and pulled her back, harder against him.

"She's wet for me," Angel said, nibbling on her neck, but not moving his eyes from her ex-lover, "Strange that she doesn't even care what I did to you. All she wants is to be fucked...by me."

Buffy felt dizzy and could barely make Angel's words coherent in her mind. All she did want was to be fucked. She couldn't see the bloody commando before her. All she could feel was Angel, blanketing her back, pressing his need into her, holding on to her.

"Buffy," Angel said, turning her away from the victim and towards him. He kissed her deeply, growling at her earnest response and smelling the arousal erupting from her slight body.

"Fuck me, lover," he growled.

"Yes," she whispered as he led her to his bed. He pulled her down, settling over her clothed body and between her still covered legs. She fumbled in her pocket as he ground between her legs, claiming her lips with animalistic growls that were making her wetter with each sound. She wanted him so badly, she could barely think straight and for a second she forgot about what was n her pocket, but as her fingers felt the wooden stake, she remembered. She pulled it out, whispering her undying devotion as she pressed back up against him.

Angel pulled her shirt and bra up, so he could suckle her breasts. He nibbled on them and making her forget again for long minutes. She clutched the wood as pleasure took over her body and remembered her mission once more.

"You really going to stake me, love?" He asked, not looking up from her breasts or stopping his giving of pleasure. Riley looked on wide eyed, begging the gods to give her strength.

***

i make a pot of coffee while catastrophe awaits me out on the lawn

Tara made it her job to refill Willow's coffee cup every time she took a sip because she was so nervous she could barely see the words on the page of her book. Willow was nearly hyperventilating as she searched for a spell that would reverse the effects The Ten had on Angel and possibly Buffy.

Wesley and Tara, who were the only ones left in the house, were very aware that Willow was the most brilliant in the Scooby core and probably all of Sunnydale, as well as a great bulk of Los Angeles, but they had yet to see her this focused, channeling every bit of her mind into her task. Her eyes flipped over the words on the page at a lightning speed and she magickcally turned the pages with her mind. She used magick again when she finished another fruitless volume, sending each book aside atop a neat pile to her side.

Neither of the two onlookers found that they could research with the redheaded witch in the room. The lights began to flicker as nervous power leaked from her very skin. Her hair was nearly standing on end and she stood, unable to sit any longer. The book floated up to her acceptable eye level and she continued reading. Her eyes turned an inky black and Tara began to fear her girlfriend's mental health until Willow sank back to her chair and pointed limply at a passage on the page.

"This is it," she mumbled weakly, "Need supplies."

Tara and Wesley congregated around her and looked at the spell. It was perfect and consequently required supplies that were attainable across town at The Magic Box. All except for one, which was not so easily accessible.

"Fantastic," Wesley muttered in dismay. He wandered to the phone and stood over it, thinking of who to call and how to get the key ingredient.

***

tell me what you gonna do now that you're free

Spike felt like a pin ball in a machine, bouncing in the air, attacked by ten blue minds, surrounding him. He wasn't sure if he should trust them but knew it was too late as they crushed him and dug into him like starved vultures. He was certain after twenty minutes of pure torture that his head was no longer attached to his body or at least the top of his skull wasn't.

Finally, after a century of pain, they stepped away and he slammed to the floor in a crumpled heap of undead misery. He laid there in the fetal position, groaning and was pulled to his feet by Dru, who held him by the scruff as if he were a kitten. She held him so his feet weren't touching the ground and looked into his eyes, with her innocent evil inquisitiveness he used to love so much, "Spike? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, baby," he said and felt her lower him to his feet, "But I think those bastards hurt me just a little more than they needed to."

"They want to have some fun too," Penn said, leaning against the wall with a smile. He nodded at the dark figure at the doorway.

"We got a victim here for you to kill," Penn said, casually, "You know, to see if it worked."

His minion dragged a resisting form into the room and Spike's eyes settled on Xander. It was the moment of truth.

***

Part Six "Moment of Truth"

***

see how long our swan song can last

Angel ignored the stake hanging in the air behind his back and continued a trail down Buffy's stomach, making a brief pit stop at her delicious navel and continued to the waist band of her jeans. His confidence hummed through his body as he bathed in her glow. He knew she wouldn't stake him. He never had a single doubt of her ability to kill him - or lack thereof.

She couldn't see his eyes flashing from brown to gold to blue, but she did see the blue illumination reflecting off of her skin periodically. His hands and tongue were torturous pleasure on her flesh and she breathed deeply. Raising her stake, she lifted her head and looked down at the greatest love she had ever known.

"I love you, Angel," she whispered. He stopped unbuttoning her jeans and looked up at her, eyes widening with the realization of her next action.

"Buffy," he whispered through tearful eyes, "I love you, please don't-"

His words were stopped with the downswing of the stake, thumping the back of his head and knocking him unconscious. She slipped out from under him and tried to control the tremors in her body. She kissed him gently and whispered a brief apology as she straightened her clothes. Turning, she hurried to Riley's side and set about releasing him from his chains.

"I thought you were going to kill him," Riley said, sagging against her once he was released.

"So did he for a second," she said, pulling his arm over her shoulder to support him.

"He seemed so sure you wouldn't," Riley said with confusion, "Why did he realize it when you said you loved him?"

"Because," she whispered, blinking back the blue in her eyes, trying to control the insanity that was trying to take over and the tears that were closer to winning, "That was what I said the last time I killed him."

"Oh," Riley said, as they made their way out of the building, "I thought he was almost unstoppable. For a second there, I thought we both were going to die."

"Well," Buffy sighed, "When it comes right down to it, Angel's only true weakness is me."

***

we subdivide into sexes and shades
this side, that side

Spike caught Xander as he was tossed at him and held the dark haired friend of The Slayer in his hands. Knowing he could finally taste warm blood spurting from the neck of a live human turned his face and elongated his fangs. He was still weighing the ups and downs of his actions as he bit into Xander's throat and tasted the red delicious delicacy.

Spike, a voice echoed in his head. He stopped drinking and waited, holding onto Xander's terrified body, which no longer struggled. Xander breathed shaky breaths, daring to hope that he would live and walk out of this building.

Spike, the voice repeated, this time Spike identified it as Red's, so he waited for her to continue, We need you to save Buffy and Angel. There's an ingredient to a spell we are missing. We need you to get it.

"Bloody hell," Spike muttered under his breath and looked down at the treat in his hands, a warm bloody treat that held a stake in his hand. Spike yanked the stake from Xander's hand, roughly pushed him aside and flung it across the room. It burrowed in Penn's heart and he exploded to dust. "Traitor," Penn said as he quickly dissipated.

The Ten shivered and stepped forward, causing Spike to stop cold and stare at them in terror. He knew all too well what they could do to him. They seemed to bend in an imaginary wind, sway in a false tornado and finally spun into nothing.

"What the hell was that, pet?" He asked, turning to a very pissed off vampiress.

"You killed him," she whispered, swaying in the aftershock of the Penn's disappearance and The Ten's recent vacation.

"He was going to hurt you," Spike said, stepping forward, trying to talk her into a calm.

"You'll never remember, will you Spike? Will you?" She whispered, eyes large with pain.

"I'll remember, love," he said, pulling a dazed Xander to his feet, "I promise."

With that he ran from the room, dragging Xander along with him.

***

my whole life blew up and now it's all coming down

Buffy hurried toward the hospital with Riley, who refused the trip.

"Just take me to your house," he said, "I'll be fine if I can bandage these wounds. We have a Hellmouth to keep from opening."

Reluctantly, she nodded and changed direction, which revealed a group of her friends running in her direction with weapons ready. Giles, Cordelia, Faith and Gunn stopped in front of them and looked at the couple with confusion.

"Where's Angel?" Gunn asked, looking over the bloody ex-boyfriend.

"At his old apartment," Buffy said, "Knocked out cold."

As she finished her last word, she felt The Ten's removal from her mind and she moaned with their dismissal. She leaned against the soldier she was holding up and they both nearly fell over. Giles stepped forward quickly and steadied them.

"Are you okay?" The Watcher asked, searching his Slayer's eyes.

"I think The Ten," she said and then stopped to think, "I don't know. Somehow they got in my head too but I think they just went away."

She shook her head in confusion and looked over at Riley, whose blood was dripping onto her.

"Um, where's Xander?" Cordy asked, looking around when he offered no sarcastic comment at the situation.

***

i didn't really notice when everything else disappeared
but as far as i'm concerned if it isn't her it isn't here

Spike pulled a stumbling Xander towards Buffy's house. His mind zig zagged from Drusilla to Buffy and when Xander pulled roughly away from him, he stopped lost in his thoughts. He could have had an eternity with his dark queen, reigning in blood by her side. He could have gone back to the time when he was truly happy. Now he wasn't sure that happiness was even remotely possible. He couldn't have Buffy and now he lost Dru, again.

"You fucking asshole," Xander swore, holding his neck.

"I didn't kill you," Spike said, rolling his eyes at the boy's human weakness, "so stop your bloody blubbering."

"You bit me," Xander shouted, announcing the obvious as they headed side by side to Buffy's house.

"I saved your soddin' hide, is what I did."

"You could have done that without taking a little taste. I always knew you thought I was a nummy treat!"

"You're human," Spike answered, "All humans are nummy damn treats. But in this case, I needed the element of surprise and besides being a bleedin' happy meal with legs, you gave me the chance to kill Angel's other Childe."

"Angel was that guy's Sire?"

"Couldn't you tell just by looking at the hack? All he needed was a little more hair gel and he would've become Angelus."

Xander shuddered at the memory of other blonde vampire, whose absence had recently blessed the earth.

***

you can try to train me like a pet
you can try to teach me to behave
but i'll tell you, if i haven't learned it yet
i ain't gonna sit, i ain't gonna stay

Angel sat up in bed and shook the daze from his pounding head. If he had a reflection he would seen that his eyes were completely blue, glowing indigo and casting a bright light around him. If he had an inkling of sanity left, a tiny shred of himself, he would have realized that Buffy just did what she had to do. But since none of himself remained, he stood and headed for the door. A low snarl escaped him as he went.

Find the bitch. Kill the bitch. Find her kill her. Find kill find kill.

He found the night waiting. It seemed as if it had been night forever. It seemed like the day would never come. He had eternity to find her. Infinity to kill her. He stood still and tried to feel her, to sense her, but he couldn't. None of the love was left that could lead him to her.

Growling in frustration, his wild eyes brightened the path to her house.

***

you know life has been cruel so wipe that smile off your face baby and try to be cool

One moment they were looking around for Xander and the next they were fighting an army from The Order of Taraka. Buffy couldn't help but wonder where all these demons came from. Where the hell did the Order find them? She found less slimey, smelly things living beneath rocks.

She longed for more vampires, who exploded into dust, rather than sludge when killed. Concentrating on the kill, fighting alongside her friends, she forgot to be angry that they had brought Faith along for the Angel-Buffy save-age. The demons seemed to be multiplying or simply appearing out of nowhere. As soon as they killed one, another took his place.

"They're not dying!" Faith yelled as she swung her sword, decapitating another demon and turning her head at the slime that exploded from it. Trying an old favorite, Buffy plunged her sword into the demon's heart and she nearly cried with relief as he died and another did not appear in his place.

"Heart!" Buffy screamed over the din of clashing metal, "You gotta get them in the heart!"

When it all ended, Buffy was slowly realizing that it always came down to the heart. Later while showering off the slime of battle, she cried dirty tears of nothing less than flawless pathos. Riley was covered in wounds, she had recently bandaged. Xander was sporting a scar not unlike her own. The Hellmouth was going to open tonight and it was more than she could take. Angel was alone in his apartment, still insane. She wished that she could harbor the belief that he was okay, that he was Angel lying in his bed but she felt him inside her. She felt in crooked sensations and near caresses of what remained of him, that he was far from right.

She wanted to go after Angel and tie him up or something, but everyone disagreed. Spike was on his way to the Caverns to find the missing Jada root, since only vampires could handle so little oxygen long enough to gather it. The group was carefully planning the evening's activities and she was a spoonful of distilled misery. She stepped from the shower and once in her room, stood in front of the mirror, looking over her naked body. Almost all of her cuts had faded away completely. She never scarred. The only scar that had ever remained was Angel's.

She stepped closer and tipped her head to the side and inspect the mark on her neck. The Master's had faded, but Angel's never did. It was almost as if his love had seared it permanently there. She never told anyone that she was almost proud of it as if the little imperfection was an announcement of her love for him, as if she had chosen for it to remain. She would never admit to it to anyone but Angel and she wasn't even sure that she would make that admission. She would never tell how more than one vampire had seen it and nearly run away in fear. They ran not from her but from Angelus. The Scourge of Europe's mark was a shield of armor against the undead on long nights when her weakness started to show. They all wanted to kill The Slayer and they all were afraid of the master who had marked her.

She turned to her closet and began to slowly dress. Angel was an interesting variable in every situation. He marked her to save himself and in turn saved her. The memory of her life flooding into his mouth was sensual and real. She knew that she would give it again if that was what he needed to go on. She would rather die again than lose him. She would rather die a thousand deaths than feel his loss even for a second.

***

i am waiting, waiting, waiting

Day came and Angel was wrapped in distinct confusion. He ducked into an abandoned building to await the return of night. Insane, yes, but stupid, no. His body instinctively knew the difference between not being in tune with reality and dying at the sun's dangerous rays.

He growled at the presence of another and turned in the room at the vampiress standing in the shadows.

"My Angel," she whispered, "You're missing."

He growled at her, staring at her delicate neck. This wasn't his chosen prey. He moved toward her, feeling the sensations of his Childe rise up in him. Time to play.

***

just when you think that you've got enough
enough grows and everywhere that you go in life
enough knows

Every nightmare that Willow had ever had, that didn't include school or public attention, contained the beast that was about to push up from the charred ground of Sunnydale High. She thought about the other times they had faced this thing and wondered how many more times they would survive it, if they would survive it this time, if they would actually kill it this time before they sent it back below to the depths of hell.

She tried to focus over the clanging of weapons around her, outside of the room and inside it. Everyone was brandishing a weapon and engaged in the fight except for herself and Tara. Kneeling side by side at the mouth of hell, they prepared to perform their third spell of the evening. The first was the restoration of Angel's sanity and breaking of The Ten's spell. Well, that was the idea, but it failed miserably, becoming nothing more than green soup and fizzling less than a dying match. She wanted to crawl inside herself and forget the look on Buffy's face when they said they couldn't break the spell. The second was a demon weakening spell on The Hellmouth, which seemed to have slightly more effect, but not a whole lot more. Third times a charm, she hoped, with the spell they were going to perform on the beast that prepared to rise, making the reign of hell on earth...again. The spell was supposed to close the Hellmouth, if they succeeded and even though she had performed it once before, doubt was stronger than experience.

Willow looked over at Tara. Her life was preparing to flash before her eyes and at their dangerous vicinity of the opening of hell, she thought about her decisions in life. She thought about her choice of Tara over Oz. She thought about the sound of his voice when he left, the hoarseness that signified more pain than she ever wanted to cause him or anyone else. What if Tara died tonight? What if it was Oz that was about to die here? What if she died here without her true love by her side?

Her true love.

Oh God. Her eyes widened with a streak of veracity as the ground began to rumble.

***

i may not be able to change the whole fucking world

Buffy wished that the opening of the Hellmouth was her biggest worry, but since she was flanked on all sides by an eclectic mixture of demons and Angel was still missing in action, she was far from the peace of mind that one impending danger provided. Strange how a Slayer's life puts such an interesting twist on peace. She swung her heavy sword around her, slicing down demons, desperately trying to keep up with the oncoming attacks. Somewhere scattered around the scalded remains of her alma mater, Giles, Wesley, Cordelia, Gunn, Faith, Xander, Riley and Spike all fought to protect the witches who would hopefully close the portal that would suck them all into hell.

The truth was, she thought as her side was impaled by a demon's claws from behind, if there was no saving Angel, what was the point of all this? If she couldn't have a normal life with a normal boy, if she couldn't have Angel, if she couldn't find anything remotely resembling happiness, what was she fighting for? Where was justice and hope, god dammit? Where was her dark lover in his world of infirmity?

The ground began to rumble as she dislodged the demon from her skin and kicked him away. Blood seeped through her white shirt, but she had to ignore it as she continued in the battle. Time was beginning to melt, love was freezing over and hell was about to leap up on earth.

***

i never seen one of your lovers do you so much harm. i loved you first.

Drusilla was laying on the floor, bleeding but not crying as Angel stood and walked toward the door. Her madness had never been so completely rivaled as it had been today by her Sire. He was lovely in his torment and she had no choice but to continue loving him, worshiping him. Darkness fell and Angel had to return to his hunt, find his prey and kill her.

"The Hellmouth," she moaned at the ceiling as Angel made his way to the exit, "it's going to sing tonight. It whispers, psst, psst, psst, it's opening."

Angel smiled in the darkness at his mad Childe and left her bleeding there on the floor. If the Hellmouth sung, he was more than prepared to dance.

***

life just keeps getting harder and it just keeps getting harder to hide
the darker it is around me the easier it is to see inside

The longer Spike fought with the Scooby gang, the more he wondered why he was bothering. The only reason to fight was to get Buffy and the only reason he thought he might have a chance was because Angel was gone. Of course, since Angel was back, even if it was as a raving lunatic, he knew that the slim chance had been shaved away to nothing. He snapped the neck of a demon and watched him fall in a lifeless heap to the floor.

The hell with this bloody crap, he thought with disgust, the bint and all her wanker friends could fight their own fucking battles.

Spike turned and made his way through the school, down burned hallways he had learned long before. He killed the demons that blocked his path, leaving a trail of scattered bodies behind him, unwittingly helping even as he had decided he no longer would. He was evil, damn it. He had no business trying to keep the Hellmouth from opening. There was a day when he would have rejoiced at the thought of The Slayer's death. All of the whispers in town about him being neutered were right.

What had happened to him? He was drooling over The Slayer, sleeping with Harmony and he didn't even kill the helpless human before when he had a chance. He left Drusilla alone in that broken down building when he should have taken her with him and gone far away from there.

He made his way to where she lay bleeding and in pain and he smiled at her. She was more beautiful when tortured than any other time.

"I remember, baby," he said, looking down at her. Smiling, he picked her up and turned back toward the door.

"Just like you promised," she answered in a child-like voice.

"Yeah, pet," he said, "I'm finally back to where I belong."

"Let's go to Prague," she whispered, "Remember Spike? The mob?"

"Yeah, baby," he crooned, "I remember everything...finally."

***

if i had any sense i guess i'd fear this

Faith watched Gunn out of the corner of her eye as she fought the rampage of demons around her. The Order of Taraka really outdid itself this time. She hadn't been around for the last time, but she knew from the stories that the others told that it was not even a ripple in their day compared to this.

Gunn was holding his own and in fact, was kinda cute with his face masked in concentration and a cocky grin as he killed the enemy one at a time. She found herself fearing for his life, instead of her own as they were both flanked by demonic members of The Order. The feeling was strange and new, and almost comfortable.

Oh humanity, how she missed you.

***

i'm at the end of my little rope and i am swinging back and forth about you

Angel's presence threw off Buffy's concentration more than the screaming beast that was emerging from the Hellmouth, more than the demons that were dashing to take her life, more that sounds of skirmish that mimicked off the collapsing walls. She wanted desperately to look around but there was no time.

As her sword clanged to the floor, having been knocked from her hand, she wasn't certain that there was time for anything again. She dove for the weapon, to find that a hoofed foot kicked it away and the leg swung back and busted into her mouth. The force knocked her onto her back. Flipping to her feet, she stood on the ground for a few seconds before three demons took her back down.

Angel was making his way to his love, killing the demons in his way, just as Spike had, intending on finding her and killing her. Somewhere between the doorway and the interruption of her pain, his mind to clicked in another insane direction altogether. He howled in anger as her wounds dug into his confused mind. They were killing HIS mate.

His black booted feet moved into a jog, then a run and finally a sprint. He rushed past demons, not feeling their attacks on him or the streams of blood that started to pour from his cold skin. Snatching a sword from one demon's scaley grip, he beheaded him and picked up his run. Over two centuries of honing the skill of battle, 14 wars and countless more fights, Angel did not need to pause while he took down the enemy, which had so quickly changed in the past two minutes.

He mowed them like grass and didn't notice the look on Buffy's friends faces as he breezed past them. They stared at his departure from them, shocked to find the demons they had been fighting lying at their feet in death. Angel made his way to the demons that Buffy was still trying to weakly bat away. She had killed 30 of them already and found it mildly humorous that three would take her life now.

She knew Angel was coming, felt his approach, but had mixed emotions on his intent. Everything was so fuzzy. He was still unbalanced, that was certain, but somewhere in the blood that restained the High School floor, she thought maybe he remembered that he loved her.

And he did. He remembered with a fucking vengeance. He remembered with a kind of ultimate violence that leaves everything in its wake annihilated. All that he could manage to think clearly was that his mate was in danger. All he knew was that if he didn't save her, the muddled thing that he had become would remain forever.

He killed the three demons over his love easily, swiping their heads off one at a time. The ground was shaking so strongly now that it was difficult to stand but he pulled her to her feet and crushed her into his arms.

"Angel," she whispered, sagging against him and weeping with confusion and relief. Demons began moving in around them and Angel growled menacingly. They were trying to take her and he was not going to give up what was his.

"Mine," he growled and raised his sword. Tucking her in behind his muscular back, he began killing them with a vampiric speed and strength that was accelerated by pain, fear and lunacy. The ground stopped trembling and the incensed magick in the air began to float away, but the part that had sank into Angel seemed to stay and grow. The Order of Taraka, knowing that they had failed, were trying to rectify the situation by completing a job that they knew to be fruitless. It didn't matter because Angel was not going to let any of them leave. Everyone who threatened his mate would die here. The Order of Taraka would be decimated tonight by the edge of one of their own swords, held in the undead hands of one very pissed off and crazy vampire.

The Scooby Gang all but stopped their fighting and watched as Angel faced off with The Order. They all knew he was the arch enemy that had to be defeated before they could kill The Slayer. He had already taken out too many of their brethren. None cared about the humans who stood watching on the side with disbelieving eyes. They all faced the vampire and attacked at once. Moments were all that were needed for Angel to kill them all. The Scooby Gang had never seen such fierceness and strength. Slack jawed they watched, along with Buffy who was standing in his wake, as he killed every single one of them, destroying what was left of The Order.

He turned and faced her, meeting her eyes, the blue faded away to the gentle brown she loved so much. Tears sprung into his eyes as his mind snapped clearly back. He pulled her into his arms and began to sob, repeating her name in the same desperate timbre that he had voiced one other time - upon his return from hell.

***

dig deeper, dig deeper this time down beneath the impossible pain of our history

The group limped back toward Buffy's covered in dirt, soot, blood and slime. Halfway there, Faith & Gunn decided to shower at Angel's mansion, since there was likely to be a fight over the bathroom at Buffy's, Riley went home, Giles went home and Xander went home. Everyone raised a single eyebrow in surprise when Xander silently held out his hand, which was taken by Cordelia.

Willow stood on the doorstep of Buffy's house and looked at Tara. Both witch's eyes filled with tears as they stood looking at each other in silence.

"Tara, I..."

"It's okay," Tara said, brushing the tears from her lover's face, "I knew it would only be a matter of time."

"I'm so sorry," Willow said, pulling her girlfriend into her arms, "I *do* love you, it's just..."

"I know, honey," Tara said, "It's okay."

Pulling away, Tara looked into Willow's eyes one more time before she turned away, "Go find him."

Willow watched her walk away and waited until she was out of sight, before she too, stepped off of the porch and made her way down the path.

***

have you ever been bent or pulled
have you ever been played like strings
if i could see you, i could strum you
i could break you, make you sing

Angel and Buffy made their way up the stairs and into the bathroom that was left vacant since everyone else had left. Wesley had decided to go back to LA and check on things, since he was the odd man out. Inside the bathroom, behind the shut door, Angel stared at his love. His whole body ached as if he had spent days being beaten into submission and she looked as if she had been by his side for every swing.

"Do you want me to go?" He asked finally, after saying nothing for a long time.

"Go?" She asked, breaking her dazed stare back into the eyes, which were now safely brown.

"Home. To LA. Away from you," He whispered, almost afraid to ask but more afraid she would answer.

"Are you stupid?"

"Huh?" He asked, tempted to smile because Buffy always accused him of the cryptic and there were times she was far more confusing than he.

"After everything we've been through you still don't get it, do you?"

"Get what?" He asked, wondering if he was going to spend the entire night asking questions.

"Love saved us Angel," she said, pounding a fist into his arm, which didn't cause him to flinch, "Don't you get it? Love always saves us because we have something so much greater than the evil that repeatedly tries to kill it. Why do you always feel the need to tuck tail and run from me! I know you love me damn it, so why are you so fucking thick?"

"I'm sorry Buffy," Angel said, ignoring the ache in his arm from her repeated punches, "I just hurt you more every time. I don't want to hurt you anymore. I can't stand the thought."

"The only thing that hurts me is when you leave," she said, "The only thing that kills me inside is being without you. I can handle everything else."

"You're sure you want me to stay?" He asked again, just to be sure.

"God, you're a moron," she said as she pulled him in for a kiss. She pulled his tattered shirt away from his chest and ran her hands over his broad, muscle bound chest with a smile, "But you're my moron."

He smiled and pulled her in for a deeper kiss, "Forever, love."

"It's about damn time," she said and squealed as he ripped her shirt away in turn. Pivoting, he pressed her against the door and ripped her already ruined pants away as well as his. He pulled her leg over his hip as he buried himself inside the heaven of her.

"I feel like I've been aching for you for weeks," he groaned as he thrust inside her.

"It's been longer than that," she whispered, into the lips that met hers.

"Promise me, Angel," she panted in between his strokes.

"I promise," he panted back.

"Good," she purred which turned into a moan as he reached between her thighs to touch the swollen clit that begged for his touch. The door slammed downstairs but their movements went unhindered as they cracked violently against the bathroom door.

"Buffy? Are you home?" Joyce called up the stairs.

"Yes," Buffy yelled hoarsely, as Angel froze inside her, "Taking...a...shower."

She looked at Angel and said through gritted teeth, "Don't stop, baby, please."

Angel oscillated still inside her and turned on the water of the shower. Pressing her against the cold tiles, with water spraying over them and over the floor, since they never closed the curtain, Angel and Buffy made love for the first time in this forever.

i think that your body is something i understand.
i think that i'm happy, i think that i'm blessed.

The End!