AN: The lyrics contained in the text in this part are by Tori Amos from her album, Little Earthquakes.

*****

Buffy didn't know what was going on, but something was definitely up with Angel. Plans changed when she ran into her father in the parking lot and he offered to give her and Angel a ride to the shop. They accepted, but Angel was twitchy as Cordelia had been that day she ran out of her custom formulated mascara and had to use - gasp - Cover Girl.

Her dad had waited in the car, intending to follow her home in case her car still had issues. Consequently, she and Angel didn't have an opportunity for anything more meaningful than a peck on the lips. For the life of her, Buffy couldn’t figure out what his problem was, but there would be time enough after the dance to figure it out.

She looked at herself in the mirror one last time. She looked good. There had been a good deal of debate about whether or not she should wear a costume to the Halloween dance. The three previous years, she'd always gone as part of an ensemble. But this year, being on the outs with the Cordettes and the fact that Angel was actually working the dance, she was on her own. She'd almost talked herself into not wearing a costume, but then a quick stop by one of the downtown shops changed her mind.

The dress was gorgeous. In it, she felt like a fairy princess. She wasn't really sure about the long, dark wig, but when she tried it all on together, it gave her an exotic appeal that she couldn't wait to test on Angel. He still didn't know she was dressing up. One last wiggle to increase the amount of visible cleavage and she grabbed Angel's jacket from the foot of her bed, heading out the door.

***

Angel sat in the Espresso Pump and hid in the corner with a cup of black coffee. He told himself he was there to avoid his father before the dance, but he knew that wasn’t the real reason he was there. He was brooding and he had to be somewhere where he wouldn’t run into people he knew to do it. He felt strange sitting there, surrounded by people who he never would have associated with before he became involved with Buffy.

Buffy.

He groaned and closed his eyes, inhaling the steam wafting from his cup. He knew it would only be a matter of time before she asked him why he was so shifty. He couldn’t even think about her without his heart pounding, let alone look at her.

A pretty female voice crooned through the speaker behind him and as much as he tried to ignore the alternative girly lyrics, he found himself listening. So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts, the woman sang lightly. What’s so amazing about really deep thoughts. Angel took a sip of his coffee and enjoyed the bitter taste of the superior brew. The song really wasn’t half bad. Boy, you best pray that I bleed real soon. How’s that thought for ya?

Angel jerked and response to the last two lines and cursed when the coffee splattered all over the table in front of him. Boy, you best pray that I bleed real soon. How’s that thought for ya? echoed in his mind. On second thought, he hated the song.

And coffee was a horrible, horrible idea. What he needed was a much stronger, more intense drink. If he wasn’t due at the Bronze in ten minutes, he’d already be drowning in something pilfered from his dad’s supply in the back of the bar. He groaned, wiped off the table with a wad of napkins and cursed again.

***

It took Buffy a while to find Willow. She almost jumped out of her skin when the chipper little ghost said hello. They fell in step, chatting as they headed to the table Willow claimed earlier. Buffy perched on the edge of her seat. She couldn't help but grin as she watched the guys on stage. Angel wasn't wearing a shirt, which was just fine by her. His arms, god she loved his arms.

Willow waving to someone caught Buffy's attention and she followed her friend's line of sight. Buffy smiled at her father, who was dressed like a magician, and waved happily. She loved him. He was the bestest dad in the whole wide world. But right now, she was really wishing that he had some job that required him to travel. A lot. To foreign countries.

As usual, the turnout at the dance was really good. There simply wasn't anything else for the students of Sunnydale High to do. It being Halloween, a lot of people were in costumes. Personally, Buffy felt that Cordy would have been more subtle just screaming "look at my tits", than she was wearing that catsuit. But even Cordy's amply displayed cleavage wasn't enough to ruin Buffy's night.

When Devon announced a set break and Angel didn't immediately seek her out, she realized he hadn't seen her yet. With a coy grin on her face, she followed Willow to the corner where Angel and Oz were talking. They were debating about what sort of amps would clear up their sound and although Oz was nearly expressionless as usual, Buffy got the idea that it was a really serious musician discussion.

“Hey,” Willow announced, scooting close to Oz’s side. She was very nervous about the costume Buffy had talked her into but the amorous stares the redhead was getting Buffy decided it was a good thing. Oz looked like he was about to swallow his tongue when he looked in Will’s direction. It had taken her quite a while to reveal her real and somewhat daring little costume underneath the boo-ware.

Buffy waited for Angel’s assessment nervously. “Hello, kind sir,” Buffy said, sweeping into a graceful curtsey she knew gave Angel a juicy display of cleavage.

“Wow,” Angel said, raking his eyes over her. He searched the club to find that Giles was occupied in talking to another chaperone, so he kissed her quickly. “You look beautiful,” he whispered against her lips. He intended to pull back right away but she pressed close to him and pressed her lips against his harder, snaking her tongue between his lips. He pulled away as soon as he could break the kiss and stepped back.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, searching his eyes.

“You’re father’s here,” he answered, nodding in Giles’ direction. “I don’t want him to see us making out, alright?”

“I’ll just tell him we’re dating then,” Buffy said. She pivoted in her dress, secretly loving the way it billowed out around her, and headed toward her father.

“No!” Angel nearly shouted. He pulled her back against him. “No. Don’t tell him. Don’t tell him anything.”

“Okay, you’re power freaked here,” she said. He had the look of crazed animal in his eyes and she was pretty sure it didn’t have to do with telling her father they were dating. “What’s really going on, Angel?”

“Nothing,” he said, swallowing harshly. “I’m fine. I just don’t want to tell Giles tonight, alright? Let’s save it for a different day.”

***

Angel was acting so weird that it partially soured Buffy's good mood. But she perked up when her father agreed to let her spend the night at Willow's house. Several minutes later, Willow was barely able to contain her grin as she whispered to Buffy that her mother had agreed to let her stay at Buffy's house.

"This is so scandalous," Willow whispered. "I never would have dared this."

"What?" Buffy scoffed. "A round robin? That's in the high school manual somewhere. Rule number fifteen I think. When in need of all night party, round robin. It hasn't failed me yet."

Willow grinned. "It's so exciting," she said giddily. "I've never been able to go to one of the after hours parties before. And Oz is always so tight lipped about them. I mean, I don't worry about him going without me, but I am interested."

***

Angel cursed as he dropped the symbol, but Oz managed to catch it before it clattered to the ground. "Thanks, man," he said, relieved to have some help.

"No problem," Oz countered, opening the back doors of the van so they could load the drum kit inside. "Hey," he said, "Willow just caught me. I guess the after party has been moved. Something about Rudy's parents showing up unexpectedly."

"Damn," Angel cursed, setting the drum down. "That's our standard venue. Where are we supposed to go?"

Oz shrugged. "I guess Buffy knew of some place. She says that it's where the rich kids used to party before Cordelia's parents moved her out to their pool house. Apparently it doesn't get used anymore."

Angel's brow furrowed. Buffy had never mentioned this place to him. "Where?"

"That old mansion out on Crawford Street. Buffy and Will already took off to make sure it was still useable. Everyone's supposed to meet there later."

***

Angel let out a low whistle as he followed Oz inside the mansion. Since they had to break down all the equipment after the dance, they were late to the party. There were already at least fifty cars on the lawn out front. Angel had seen this place before, but never up close. It was damn impressive. There was no electricity, but necessity is ever the mother of invention. There were torches and candles everywhere, giving the space an oddly gothic feel. Someone had brought in a stereo with a really long extension cord that ran god only knew where. Music was blaring and there were people everywhere, dancing, drinking, kissing, all of the above. Angel looked around, but Buffy was nowhere to be seen.

Oz let out a grunt as Willow launched herself into his arms giggling. Angel turned away in a vain attempt to give the couple a little privacy. Devon walked by and handed him a beer that Angel immediately opened and half-drained. He turned as Willow tapped him on the shoulder. She cocked a finger at him and Angel looked to Oz for information. Oz merely shrugged. Curious, Angel followed Willow through the cavernous living room and around a corner to a back staircase.

"Third floor," she whispered. "Second door on the left."

Willow bounded off and Angel finished his beer before climbing the steps. It was really dark and he took out his Zippo to offer some light. He found the appointed doorway and gave a terse knock before pushing it open.

He stood in the doorway, unable to move. Unfortunately, the Zippo burned his finger and he dropped it. Sheepishly, he picked it up and returned it to his pocket. He stepped into the room, closing and locking the door behind himself.

Innumerable candles burned in the room, filling it with a soft, flickering light. The bedroom was enormous, but that wasn't half as impressive as the bed. It looked like you could fit a dozen people on it. Of course, there weren't a dozen people on it. There was just one, Buffy.

“Rudy’s parents didn’t come home, did they?” he asked. He was surprised at how hoarsely his voice came out even though all the blood in his body was rushing toward his groin. Buffy lounged across the giant bed in a red silk teddy that framed her curves gorgeously. He found himself gulping for air.

“No,” she answered coyly, running a hand over her body as she stalked him with her eyes. “I wanted to surprise you.”

“Worked,” he grunted. He still hadn’t bothered to put on a shirt and she enjoyed watching his approach. The candlelight played beautifully across his naked upper body and she greedily took in every detail.

“I wanted to have you to myself without worrying that we’d get caught,” she said, wrapping her arms around him as he crouched over her. “I wanted to hold you and know that whatever’s bothering you…I wanted to be sure that….” She tapered off and looked up at him. Her face showed absolute trust and love, a look that would break any man. “You’re not all wiggy just because of my Dad, are you, Angel?”

Much to her surprise, he let out a groan and buried his face in her neck. His voice was muffled when he spoke again. “I fucked up.” He was silent for a moment, focusing on her arms around him, the feel of her fingertips brushing against his skin, then he looked up at her face. “I realize when I was taking advantage of our supply closet time the other day that we hadn’t used any, you know, protection. For all we know, you could be pregnant with my child right now, Buffy.”

“What if I was?” she asked, trying to keep the nervousness from her voice. She had thought of it recently as well, but she trusted Angel. She knew that if they were doing something wrong, he would make sure she was okay. She was certain of it when the fleeting thought passed through her mind. Now, with the desperation filling the air, she was worried. She didn’t want to doubt his feelings for her. The last thing she wanted to do what doubt him.

“I will always take care of you,” he whispered, keeping his gaze locked directly with hers. He caressed her cheek with a shaky hand. Despite his nervousness, she saw truth and devotion there. “I’ll never let anything bad happen to you if I can avoid it, Buffy. You know that I love you.”

“I love you too,” she whispered, nuzzling her cheek against his. “If I am late this month, I’ll get a test, okay?”

“Okay,” he answered, taking a deep trembling breath. Much to his surprise, she nudged him to roll over on his back and straddled him, rubbing her groin against his seductively.

“In the meantime,” she said throatily, “I was hopin’ you could help me out of this little outfit. These things are so complicated.” She smiled deviously at him, idly touching the lacey edge of the teddy, and he growled in response. He pulled her down for a long, lingering kiss and moaned as his hands moved over her body. Moments later, she realized in the middle of their heated kiss that his hands were on her bare breasts. So much for complicated. Of course, he also had a lot of training. You couldn’t take as many shop classes as he did without figuring out how to reverse engineer a good number of items. The fact that she could even think the phrase “reverse engineer” while his fingers were tweaking her nipples should have earned her a place in the Smart Blondes Hall of Fame.

He rolled them over again, pulling the teddy down her body. She wriggled free of the material, wrapping her bare legs around his waist. He kissed her while digging in his back pocket for his wallet. He finally wrapped his fingers around it and slapped it down on the pillow next to Buffy’s head. She couldn’t help but giggle at the look of absolute concentration on his face while he used one hand to try and root through the wallet. The other, of course, was busy tweaking her breast.

After far too long, he finally found the condom. He grasped it between his teeth as he rolled onto one hip, kicking off his shoes and hurriedly shimmying out of his jeans. Buffy laughed again and plucked the condom from his bite. He looked at her and she motioned for her now naked Angel to roll onto his back. If there was ever an instance where he was inclined to humor her, this was it. “You think I need help with this?” he asked, trying not to smile.

She frowned down at him. “I need the practice,” she said coyly. Carefully, she tore the tin wrapper and extracted the condom. He groaned, arching into her touch as she grasped him, stroking him several times before positioning the latex over the head of his cock. Just like she remembered, she pinched the reservoir tip as she rolled the condom down his shaft. It was a tight fit. He was considerably larger than her last practice subject. She smiled with satisfaction of a job well done. “It’s been a while,” she said.

His smile disappeared in an instant. “A while?” he asked darkly.

She giggled. “Sex ed class last year,” she explained. She looked at him, smiling in undiluted appreciation. “May I just say that you’re much more interesting than a banana.”

“Thank you,” he said wryly.

“Besides,” she said, “I noticed you weren’t in class, as usual.”

He snorted. “Baby, I’m a loser, not a moron. Trust me when I tell you that a sex ed class junior year would have been remedial education.”

Her outraged smack never connected with his chest. Angel flipped them over again, pinning her under his body as he kissed her breathless. Whatever lingering irritation she felt at his cheeky comment quickly melted away. The way he kissed her, the way he touched her ... everything about his movements told her that she was the most precious thing in his world.

He hooked his hand under her knee, notching it around his waist as he carefully slid inside her. With the condom, the sensations weren’t as sharp, but being inside Buffy was still the most glorious feeling he’d ever experienced. She moaned, her fingernails biting into the small of his back, urging him to drive into her harder. He obliged, planting his palms on either side of her head as he pushed himself up as far as he could. Bracing his knees and feet on the mattress, he thrust into her, his pelvis smacking sharply against hers.

Buffy’s back arched, her eyes fluttering shut as she made a series of high trilling noises deep in her throat. Buffy beneath him, with her hair in a wild disarray, her nipples pebbled, perspiration glistening on her skin – Angel thought he might die from the sight alone. But then her internal muscles clenched around him and he knew he was wrong. Now he was going to die. With a groan, he dropped down over her again, capturing her lips against his own. She kissed him wildly, her arms wrapping around his neck as she rubbed her breasts against his chest.

“Love you,” she panted out, raising her hips to meet his thrusts. Angel moved inside her, building her up again, wanting nothing more than to spend the whole night seeing her face in ecstasy. For some strange reason, before he came up here, he had actually been afraid she was pregnant, that he had ruined something between them – or possibly could. That was outside of her arms. Now, inside her embrace, he wondered how it ever seemed possible to be worried about some distant future. There was only the two of them forever. Wasn’t that the whole point?

***

Buffy turned around when Willow walked through the French doors to join her in the sunken courtyard. The sun was just up and you could hear birds chirping madly in all the trees. Most of the house was eerily quiet, despite the large number of bodies. There had to be two dozen people passed out inside the mansion.

“Morning,” Willow said, yawning loudly.

“Mrn’n,” Buffy tried to reply around a mouthful of toothpaste. She spit into the dilapidated fountain and then took another mouthful from her bottle of Evian before spitting again. Willow looked longingly at her toothbrush, toothpaste and bottled water. Buffy smiled, holding up her backpack. “Shack bag,” she said.

“Sha wha?”

“Shack bag,” Buffy repeated. “If you’re going to shack somewhere, you need supplies.” She handed Willow the tube of toothpaste and bottle of water. Willow quickly squirted a dollop of Colgate onto her finger as Buffy brushed out her hair. By the time Willow moved onto the hairbrush, Buffy was using her Olay Daily Facial cloths to wash her face. Eventually, they moved over to one of the stone benches so Buffy could re-apply her makeup in natural light. Willow watched the beauty ritual with fascination but declined Buffy’s offer to share.

“I didn’t realize there was so much involved in staying out all night,” Willow explained.

Buffy shrugged. “I’ve been doing this about once or twice a month since freshman year, you pick up some habits.”

Willow’s lips pursed together like she was trying to decide if she wanted to ask something or not. “So, uh, you do ... this ... a lot?”

Buffy looked at her seriously. “By this you mean ...?”

“Nothing,” Willow chirped, obviously embarrassed.

Buffy shrugged nervously. “No. I mean, yes, I’ve stayed out all night lots of times, but never ... Uh. I’ve never stayed in one of the upstairs rooms before. Angel is my, uh, he’s my ... “

Willow sighed in relief. “Oz is my ... “

They both laughed.

***

“Why exactly is he here?” Angel demanded, glaring at Oz.

Oz merely shrugged, glancing over at Devon who was seriously hung over and kept moaning. Normally it wouldn’t have mattered, but they were all crammed into a booth at Denny’s and Angel was getting sick of listening to him. He and Buffy had gotten the short straw, so Devon was in their side of the booth. His face was pressed against the fogged up window. Every few seconds, he moaned like a dying man.

“He’s okay, Angel,” Buffy said, giggling when he pulled her closer to his side. She had been stuck sitting in the middle of them and Angel growled every time Devon started to sway in her direction. Twice Devon had let out an embarrassing expletive loud enough to turn heads because Angel thumped his head on the window.

“This is so cool,” Willow announced grinning happily. “We have morning together and afterglow…”

“And hung over people,” Buffy added. She grinned and snuggled closer to Angel. “And Moons Over My Hammy.” Angel gave her a look of disgust, but snagged a fry from her plate.

“Need a drink,” Devon groaned. He started to slide across the bench seat and didn’t stop when he reached Buffy. He just kept scooting until he was pressing against her. “It’s the only way to make this all go away. Far, far away.”

“Get off my girl, fucker,” Angel growled, shoving him against the window for the third time.

“FUCK!” Devon groaned as his head beaned against the heavy plate glass.

“My hero,” Buffy mock sighed dreamily. Willow burst into giggles.

***

Buffy sighed, looking up from her book in exasperation. She quickly glanced around the library. Thankfully, it was deserted. If there was any luck, her dad would be chatting with the computer teacher for a while. She turned, glaring at Angel. “I love you,” she said firmly. “But if you don’t stop hovering, I’m going to kill you.”

He frowned at her. “I’m just ... “

“Paranoid,” she finished for him. “Angel, look, you sitting here worrying about this isn’t going to make it happen any faster. Okay for the next five minutes I’m going to ignore the major squick factor of discussing my girl problems with my boyfriend, but Aunt Flo isn’t scheduled to show up until next week. There is no way for us to find out before then if we even have anything to be worried about. Okay?”

He leaned back in his chair glowering. Patience had never been one of his strong points and where Buffy was concerned, it was nearly non-existent. He was so worried he wasn’t sleeping, barely eating and he was making Buffy crazy.

To keep himself from hovering over her every second, he picked up as many hours as possible at both the shop and the bar, hoping to keep his thoughts elsewhere. He begged off from band practice after he accidentally put a hole in his snare drum. He told them he had to buy another one but the truth was the only rhythm he wanted to know about was Buffy’s menstruation.

***

The week dragged by with the sort of agonizing slowness one only reserved for extremely painful and embarrassing moments. His three lunches a week helping Giles out used to be a welcome time to get his homework done and have some peace and quiet. Now he jumped three feet if her father even said his name.

The following week, he met her at the stairs first thing Monday morning. If she had known he had been there since dawn streaked across the sky, she would have had a fit. He felt it unnecessary to share that little tidbit.

“How are you doing?” he asked, clutching her shoulders nervously. “Are you feeling okay?”

“Gods, Angel, I don’t have cancer,” she spat. “And I don’t have my period either. Just calm down, alright? No one is dying here. You’re making me insane.”

He raked his hand through his hair, pacing in a rough circle. Sighing in exasperation, she grabbed his hand, dragging him toward the supply closet. Reluctantly, he let her pull him inside as she locked the door. She pinned him against the wall and attempted to press a kiss against his jaw.

Gently, but firmly, he caught her wrists and forced her to take a step backward. "Buffy, this isn't the time," he huffed.

Okay, that was it. She'd had all she could take. She yanked her wrists out of his grasp. Taking a step back, she cocked out one hip and crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at him. "We talked about this more than a week ago at the mansion," she said angrily. "I know you were worried, but we discussed things and I really thought we were okay. What gives? Why are you being all psycho about this again?"

He growled in frustration, banging his head back against the wall. "That was a week and a half ago," he replied sharply.

"And what exactly has happened in the last week and a half?" she demanded.

"You haven't bled, that's what's happened," he yelled.

Her head snapped back like he'd hit her and her eyes glimmered with unshed tears. "I see," she said thickly. "It's that terrifying is it?" He reached for her and she twisted away, her body language screaming for him to not touch her. "It's one thing for you to be all calm and loving about it when you're about to get laid, but in the harsh light of day I'm just another burden is that it?"

"Buffy," he groaned, balling his hands into fists to keep from reaching for her.

"No," she spat. "Fine. Have a nice life, Angel. I'll be fine. You don't have to worry about anything ever again."

He listened to the door slam, unable to move. Slowly, he leaned back against the wall and slid down it until he was a useless heap on the floor. He fucked up. He fucked up bad. Yes, he was terrified beyond belief at the thought of possibly getting Buffy pregnant. There were a million reasons for his terror: he knew he'd be a terrible father, Buffy deserved to have a life without being burdened with a child so young, Giles would kill him. It went on and on into infinity. But nowhere on that list was he terrified because he didn't love her or because he couldn't love their child.

Stiffly, he pushed himself to his feet. He couldn't believe how bad he messed things up. Right now, Buffy needed his support. She had to be just as terrified as him, probably more, but she wasn't letting it make her bitter. She needed him and he wasn't there for her. With a growl, he punched his hand against the wall with as much strength as he could muster.

***

"Buffy, are you okay?" Willow asked gently. Buffy had asked her to meet her at her car in the parking lot right after school, but Willow had no idea why.

Buffy shrugged, trying not to start crying again. "I need your help," she said quietly.

"Anything," Willow said vehemently. She bit down on her bottom lip, looking at her friend. "Buffy, what happened?"

Buffy shrugged again and a tear slipped down her cheek. "Angel," she said, feeling idiotic. "I think maybe … " She swallowed thickly, willing herself not to start crying. "I think maybe we broke up this morning."

"Oh, Buffy," Willow gasped, pulling her friend into a tight hug.

Buffy clung to her friend, letting the tears she'd been holding back all day fall. It was several long minutes before she could compose herself. She sniffled, wiping at her eyes with a tissue. Taking a deep breath, she said, "I think he must be really mad. I haven't seen him all day, which means he's probably avoiding me."

Willow shook her head. "He wasn't here today, Buffy."

"No, he was," Buffy assured her.

"He was," Willow amended quickly, "but he left early. He was gone all day."

"Great," Buffy said, her face crumbling into a frown. "Now I've scared him completely off school."

"No, no, no," Willow said, patting her on the shoulder. "He was at the hospital."

Buffy's tears dried instantly. "Hospital?"

"Oz had to go get him at lunch and take him home. He broke his hand. I guess Angel wouldn’t say how it happened, but Oz said it looked like he punched something hard. Like a wall."

***

Buffy sat in her car a long time after she sent Willow to find Oz. She wanted to know what had happened to Angel, but she couldn’t stand the thought of being pushed away again. It crushed her when he did it in the supply closet that morning.

She dried her tears and restored her makeup before going to the convenience store for a pregnancy test. She hurried through the doors and down the aisles, causally picking up random things like cosmetics, toothpaste and shampoo. The reason for the trip was inevitable and she soon found herself standing in front of a small row of pregnancy tests. She looked around her suspiciously before tucking one into her arm full of items. Tears welled in her eyes before she even made it to the checkout counter.

As much as she wanted to ignore the truth, as much as she wished that her body would announce with her monthly cycle that they were worried for no reason, she knew in her heart that Angel was right. There was reason to worry. She was late and she was never ever late. The phrase “like clock work” was coined for Buffy Giles.

***

“Ah, Buffy, can I speak with you for a moment?”

Buffy stopped dead in her tracks, immediately putting her shopping bag behind her back. The last thing she needed was her father finding out she bought a pregnancy test. What was he doing home anyway? Okay, that was a bit harsh. He did live here, after all. But dammit, she needed some privacy. “Sure,” she said, “just let me go change.”

Fifteen minutes later, she joined her father in the living room where he was flipping through the mail. “What’s the what?” she asked, sitting down in the large armchair.

He set down the mail, rearranging his glasses as he looked at her. “Well, Thanksgiving break is coming up and I had been thinking perhaps it would be a good opportunity for us to visit England.”

Buffy stared at him blankly for a moment. “England?”

“Well, I know it’s a bit sudden,” he said, “but next year you’ll be away at college and I thought this would be a nice time for us to go together. Plus, I found a discount on airline tickets.”

She shrugged. It had been five or six years since they’d been back to visit her father’s family. No doubt they were indeed due for another visit. Plus, right now things were so up in the air with Angel. It might be nice to get out of Sunnydale for a week. “Sounds good,” she said.

***