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Ranger Moments ~ Handcuffs and Hot-Flashes
Timeline: Takes place
somewhere in the series after Ten Big Ones
It was Tuesday morning and I was taking Diane Raducci into the Trenton Police Department. She had swiped a box of tampons and a tube of mascara from the local drug store. Normally, for petty theft it's community service or a small fine. But Diane hadn't shown up for her court appearance because she had a hair appointment and didn't want to miss it. So, a cranky judge issued a bench warrant and it was my job to bring her back into the system.
We pulled into the TPD parking lot and I helped Diane out of the car. As we were walking in, Ranger was walking out. Ranger is my friend, my mentor and my fantasy lover. He was my actual lover for one amazing night and it's a memory I summon up often. Ranger held the door open for us, "Babe," he said to me.
"Hi, I'm surprised to see you here. Bringing in another bad guy?"
Ranger smiled, "Meeting with Juniak." Joe Juniak was Emperor of the Universe if you talked to his PR office, Mayor of Trenton to everyone else.
Diane made a little noise which reminded me that she was still handcuffed and waiting to be processed. "I need to get Diane inside," I said.
"Later," he said. "Stay safe." He slid behind the wheel of his Porsche Turbo and rolled out of the lot.
Diane gasped and said in a shaky voice, "Omigod...who was that?!"
"Oh, that was just Ranger," I said. "He's a bounty hunter."
"There's nothing 'just' about that man," she said breathlessly. "I've never seen a man like that outside of a magazine." She huffed out a breath, blowing a strand of hair out of her face. "Jesus, I'm having a hot flash...I think I even stopped breathing for a minute."
I smiled at her in sympathy. "He's been known to have that effect. I'd tell you it's temporary, but I've known him for a few years now and it hasn't worn off yet."
"So he's a bounty hunter like you?" she asked.
"No, Ranger is a PRIMO bounty hunter. He only brings in the baddest of the bad." I walked her the rest of the way in and stood in line for the processing lieutenant. "You've got to have a pretty high bond to have Ranger going after you."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
10 weeks later
I breezed into the Bonds office at 9:45 in the morning to see if there were any new FTAs to apprehend. My rent was due soon and I needed some spending money. Connie was putting the finishing touches on a manicure and Lula was sprawled on the couch flipping through a copy of the National Enquirer.
"Hey Connie, have you got anything for me?"
She blew across her nails and pointed to a single file folder on her desk. "This one's for you," she said.
I picked it up and looked inside "Diane Raducci. Again?" This was the fifth time she'd gone FTA in the last three months. No sooner would she get out of jail then she was doing something else. I scanned the file again, "She stole 25 pizzas from Pizza Barn and held the cashier hostage with a 4" round pizza cutter? What'd she do with all of the pizzas?"
"I heard she drove them down to the homeless shelter on Sloane," said Lula. "Guess she playing Robin Hood or something."
Or something. I looked over at Lula, "You want to ride along with this one?"
"Sure," Lula said as she stood up and slipped on her lime green stiletto heels. "Got nothin' else going on."
Connie coughed and glanced over at the 2ft. high pile of filing that hadn't been done. I just shrugged and stuffed the folder in my bag. It's not like it's news that Lula is about the worst file clerk in the history of filing.
We piled into Lula's Firebird and motored over toward Diane's house. "Something is up with Diane," I said.
"Why? Cause she keeps stealing stuff? Maybe she's one of those Klepto-people. You know, those ones that steal stuff 'cause they can't help themselves."
"Maybe," I said. "It just seems weird that she's out of jail for a few days and then steals again. And she's not keeping the stuff she steals - she's giving it away to people that need it."
Lula pulled to a stop in front of Diane's house. "Well, maybe I should talk to her about picking up those new Jimmy Choos for me - seeing as how I really need 'em and don't have $300 to buy them myself."
We went up to the door and I knocked twice. "Bond enforcement. Diane, open the door."
I heard the deadbolt slide back and Diane was at the door, hands on hips. She looked at me and Lula and rolled her eyes. "You two again?"
Lula looked over at me in disbelief. "Can you believe this shit? She's not happy to see us!"
"Probably because we're going to cart her off to jail again."
"Huh. I knew that." We turned back to Diane and Lula said, "You gonna give us a problem? Cause I could sit on your scrawny ass until Steph here can wrangle the cuffs on ya."
Diane looked bored. "No, I'm not going to give you a problem. Let me get my shoes."
"Too bad," said Lula. "Cause I was kinda hoping to use my new stomp and squat move I learned off wrestling."
"Next time," I said and Lula nodded.
Diane finished putting on her shoes. "Just for future reference, what's a girl got to do to have someone other than you two pick her up?"
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I mean what do I have to do?"
"Steph and me pick up just about everyone. Rapists, thieves, old men exposing their shriveled parts, you know, everyone."
"Well," I said, "we don't pick up everyone. Ranger picks up the really bad ones."
"So, how bad are they?" Diane asked.
OK, I think I was onto what she was after now. "Ranger picks up the murderers, the occasional terrorist and the really violent offenders."
"That's right. Ranger is the shit," said Lula with a grin. "He's the baddest of the bad-ass. Ain't no one better than Ranger."
"So, I'd have to kill someone for Ranger to come and get me?" she asked.
The light bulb went on for Lula. "Get out! You mean you've been committing all these crimes hoping Ranger goes hunting for you!?!" She started laughing, "Dayam, why didn't I think of that shit?"
Diane nodded. "I can't get him out of my mind. I saw him at the police station and every time I think about all those muscles and that sexy smile I have a hot-flash." Diane looked embarrassed suddenly, "I've been fantasizing about him handcuffing me."
Lula was about rolling on the floor laughing her ass off. "You in good company, girlfriend. Hell, half the women in Trenton probably had that fantasy too. I'd hock my Firebird if I could handcuff him to something...like my bed. That man is sex on legs."
I couldn't believe it. Not that Ranger wasn't sexy, because he most definitely was. What I couldn't believe was that Diane was willing to commit crimes and go to jail just to meet him. I had an idea. "Diane, we aren't taking you in today."
"We ain't?" asked Lula.
"You're not?" echoed Diane. "Why?"
I had a feeling I was going to regret it somehow, but I just couldn't let her keep going to jail over something like this. "Let me talk to Ranger and I'll see if I can work something out."
"Hoo-boy!" said Lula. "Can I be there? 'Cause I gotta see the look on his face when you tell him!"
"No, I should probably go by myself." I had a feeling that my conversation with Ranger wasn't something I was going to want Lula - and by extension EVERYONE - to know about.
We left Diane's house and Lula dropped me back at the bonds office to pick up my car. I drove home and had a peanut butter and olive sandwich and a bottle of beer while I tried to think of what I was going to say to Ranger. It's not that I was afraid to talk to him. It was the subject matter that was giving me problems. I suspect if I was honest with myself, I'd admit that I have had a Ranger fantasy or five that included handcuffs. Of course, it helped that I was rarely ever honest with myself so I pushed that out of my mind. All of this thinking didn't take up nearly enough time, and I couldn't put it off any longer. I dug around in my bag until I found my cell phone and dialed Ranger.
He answered on the first ring. "Yo Babe. What do you need?"
"I need some help with a skip. Would you have time to meet me?"
"I could do that."
"OK. When?"
"How about now," he said and the locks on my door tumbled and he was standing in the doorway grinning at me.
"Smartass," I said to him and disconnected on his laughter.
He strolled into my apartment and leaned over the back of my seat to kiss the top of my head and ruffle my hair affectionately. He settled into my couch cushions and looked me over. "No bruises, cuts or scrapes. I'm guessing it's not muscle help you need with your skip?"
I bit my lip before I said, "Actually, it kind of is...in a round-about sort of way."
"You want to vague that up for me, Babe?"
I found a fascinating piece of lint on my jeans and and mumbled, "MyskipDianehasthehotsforyouandiscommittingcrimestryingtomeetyou."
Ranger reached over, traced a finger along my jawline and tilted my chin up so that our eyes met. He gave me an indulgent smile and said, "One more time. Little more volume, little less speed."
I blew out a breath and looked him in the eyes. "Do you remember a few months ago when I ran into you at the TPD? You were there meeting with Joe Juniak?"
"Yeah, I remember."
"The skip I had with me was named Diane Raducci. She was picked up for petty theft."
"Diane's been busy lately - she's been on your list a few times since then."
It didn't surprise me that Ranger knew I'd picked up Diane each time she was FTA. Lula told me once that Ranger sometimes looks over my files before I get them, in case I need some tougher backup. "Yeah," I said. "But she'd really rather be on your list."
"She doesn't strike me as the criminal mastermind type," Ranger said.
"That's not the angle she's working from." I smiled at him and said, "She's got the hots for you."
Ranger gave me an eyeroll that would have done the Burg proud. "Babe," he said. And if I didn't know better I might think that he was embarrassed by it.
I held up my hands, "Hey, it's not my fault women think you're irresistible and are willing to embark on a life of crime just so you'll frisk them and handcuff them and carry them off to jail."
Ranger settled back into the couch and said, "So where is Diane now?"
"At home."
"You didn't pick her up?" I could tell by the look on his face that he knew what I was going to say before I said it.
"I thought I would turn her file over to you." I gave him my sweetest smile.
He shook his head and smiled. I was amusing him. "Nice, but unless her bond fee is over 10 grand, she's all yours Babe."
He might be hot, but he was also frustrating as hell sometimes. "What's the big deal anyway? You walk up to the door and she'll go along quietly. It'll take 5 minutes...tops."
"And I should do this why?"
"You'll make her year."
"Try again."
"Because I'm asking you?"
"Getting warmer. Keep going."
"Because I'll owe you one?"
I got the full-on smile then. "I can work with that. But if she grabs me, the price is going to go up."
"Understood. When do you want to go pick her up?"
"The sooner the better."
I picked up my keys and followed Ranger out the door. We hopped into a shiny black Chevy Tahoe and Ranger drove us over to Diane's house. Once we were parked, I said, "She's got a real crush on you, so be prepared."
Ranger angled out of the car and looked back into the cab at me. "Keep in mind what I said, Babe. I was serious about the grabbing."
We walked up to Diane's front door and Ranger took point. He knocked on the door twice. "Bond Enforcement! Open up."
The door didn't open and Ranger glanced over at me with a frown. He knocked again. "Open the door!" Again, the door didn't open. He turned to look at me. "You're sure she's home?"
I was pretty sure - so I nodded. Ranger put his hand to my stomach and gave me a little push out of the way. He drew his gun, took one step back then put his right foot to the door. It crashed open and we entered the house to find Diane standing in her living room wearing a see-through camisole and a thong.
She didn't say anything; she just stared at Ranger in goggle-eyed wonder. He turned to me, "I'm going back outside. Get her something to wear and call me in when she's dressed."
"You're spoiling her fun," I said.
"Better than being accused of sexual assault." Yeah. I didn't think Diane would make up a story about Ranger, but you never know with people. Ranger went outside and closed the door while I went into Diane's bedroom and found her a pair of sweats to put on.
I came back out to find her still in the same place. "Diane? What's up with you?"
"He's so gorgeous, I just can't think straight when he's that close," she said.
"Yeah, he's a heart-stopper. But patience is not one of his best things, so you should probably get dressed." I handed her the sweats and she put them on. As she was slipping her feet into sneakers, I opened the door. "She's ready."
Ranger stepped into the room and gave her the usual enforcement agent spiel, "Diane Raducci, we are authorized by your bondsman, Vincent Plum to bring you in." He stepped up to her and went to take her left wrist, to pull it behind her so he could put the cuffs on her. I was watching what was happening and I realized just a moment too late what she was going to do.
"Diane! NO!!" I yelled, but I wasn't fast enough. Diane reached back with her free hand and got a grip on Ranger.
"Fuck," Ranger said, and grabbed her hand, pulling it away from his groin and twisting it enough to send her to her knees in pain. She gasped and whimpered as Ranger tightened the other cuff around her wrist. He stepped away from her for a moment, in an attempt to walk off some discomfort and maybe get himself under control. Apparently, Diane had a grip like an anaconda.
I pulled her to her feet. "What were you thinking?" I hissed at her. "That was not OK!" I probably sounded like I was scolding a 5 year old, but I couldn't believe she'd groped him like that.
She winced a little but also smiled at me. "I think he might have sprained my wrist, but it was worth it. That's a big gun he's packing."
This wasn't news to me - I knew first-hand about Ranger's gun. I was upset with her myself, and pissed off on Ranger's behalf. I walked her across the room and sat her in one of the chairs. "Stay," I said with my best glare. I went over to Ranger who was turned away from us and was finishing up a conversation on his phone. I put my hand on his back. "Ranger, are you OK?"
He put the phone on his belt and looked at me. "I'm fine, but she's not riding with us. Tank is coming to pick her up. She grabs me again, and I might be tempted to break something."
"I'm sorry," I said, and Ranger slung an arm around my shoulders and gave me a squeeze.
We waited for about 10 minutes until Tank showed up. He stepped into the room and Diane's mouth fell open. "Shit," she said. Tank must have gotten this reaction a lot, because he didn't say anything. He just took her under the arm and walked her out of the house.
Ranger and I locked up the house and got into the Porsche. We were quiet as Ranger drove us back to my apartment. He surprised me by parking in my lot and walking me upstairs. I thought he'd just drop me off. Ranger went into my apartment first, checking through quickly to make sure everything was secure. It had been awhile since anyone but him had broken in, but he always checked anyway. He was nothing if not thorough.
I put my bag on the counter and went to the refrigerator to see if the Food Fairy had magically beamed me in some goodies. No such luck. I turned around to find Ranger leaning against my couch. "So now what?" I asked.
The corners of his mouth turned up just a little and he crooked a finger at me in the universal "come here" gesture. I walked over to him and stopped a few inches away. Ranger bent down and brushed a light kiss across my mouth and I responded. He brought a hand up and tangled it in my hair as he deepened the kiss, and then I heard the click of a handcuff locking into place around my wrist.
I pulled back in time to see Ranger locking the other end of the cuff to his wrist. "Ranger! What's going on?"
He smiled at me then, full-on. "I told you the price was going to go up, babe."
"Well, yeah. But I didn't think you meant now and with handcuffs."
He bent down to nuzzle my neck. "So is that a 'No'?"
"I didn't say that," I whispered and he chuckled as he continued to kiss my neck. "Hey, didn't you say that you don't need handcuffs to enslave a woman?"
"I did...and I don't."
"So what's with the cuffs?" I gasped as Ranger hit first base and rounded toward second.
"I can take them off if you want, but I'd rather not." He pulled back to look at me. "You're call, babe."
I thought about it for a few seconds, then stood up on my toes and kissed him passionately. "I trust you, Ranger."
The smile he gave me warmed me down to my toes. "That's good to know." He picked me up and slung me over his shoulder, heading for my bedroom.
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