Disclaimer:  If you recognize it, I don't own it.  JE owns all.  I'm just borrowing her characters for my own amusement.  No infringement is intended. 

 

Author’s Note:  This is my first Stephanie Plum fan fiction.  I realize that it’s not very good and it is way over the top.  But, I just finished EOT and this popped into my head during lunch today. 

 

 

The Best Defense is a Strong Offense

#1 in the Rangeman Series
(6/30/05)

 

 

Vince leaned over and switched the view on the monitor he was using to check the bank vault again.  He’d only been with Rangeman for 2 months, but he enjoyed it.  It was a cush job, nice pay, and it carried a certain street cred that he liked.  He turned in his chair to look at the man seated in the next bank of monitors.  He was surprised to see Hal staring intently at just one monitor instead of glancing among the four he had on his desk.

 

“What’cha watching so intense there, Hal?”

 

“Oh, Ranger is helping Stephanie at the shooting range.  He upgraded her gun from a revolver and she needs some help learning how to use it.”

 

Vince leaned over in his seat to check it out.  “Huh, why’s he wasting his time there?  She’s an office worker now.  Her lame-ass isn’t playing at hunting bounty anymore.”

 

“Hey, she wasn’t lame – she just had some bad luck that’s all,” Hal said.  “Anyway, she’s really nice – she sent me a pound of chocolate and a subscription to Soldier of Fortune to apologize after she knocked me out with the stun gun last summer.”

 

The men watched with interest as Stephanie put her gun on the shelf, stepped back and removed Morelli’s sweatshirt.  Hal barely had time to drool when the screen he was watching went to static.

 

“Uh-Oh, looks like Boss-man is gettin’ lucky!” crowed Vince.

 

“Huh?”

 

“Oh come on! Did you see that outfit?  Probably Ranger’s got her bent over and squealing even as we speak!” Vince laughed.

 

“No way,” Hal replied.

 

“Think about it lack-brain.  Why would Ranger scramble the monitor?  ‘Cause he doesn’t want us watching him do the deed with his newest employee.”

 

“Uh, Vince, I don’t think that’s true.  Stephanie’s not that kind of girl, and Ranger wouldn’t do something like that at work anyway.”

 

“Please.  She’s a nice girl?  A nice girl wouldn’t sign on for a job as the only woman in a company full of ex-soldiers and mercenaries.  A nice girl wouldn’t show up for work, going commando in workout shorts and a barely-there top.  That, my friend, is a naughty girl and probably our man Ranger is getting his naughty on right now.”

 

“You should keep your voice down, man.  It’s not right to be talking about Ranger like that.  And he wouldn’t like it if he heard you talk about Stephanie that way either.”

 

“Sure.  What?  You think Ranger’s in LLOOOOOVE?” Vince snorted.  “He may take a few more go-rounds on that ride, but once he’s finished with her we can line up for our turns.  And I’m saying now, the line starts behind me.”

 

Vince jumped as a dark, heavy hand landed securely on his shoulder. A baritone voice said calmly, “Break me off a switch son, there’s about to be a whuppin.”  The hand grabbed hold and Vince found himself hauled clear out of the seat and slammed against the nearest wall.  His breath went out from him as he locked eyes with Tank.

 

Vince realized just how much crap he’d stepped in – no one wanted to be on Tank’s bad side.  He tried to backpedal, “Aw, it’s cool.  I was just joking around, you know.”

 

“Hm.  Well, I wouldn’t want there to be any misunderstandings.  So let me spell a few things out for you and tell you what I do know.  I KNOW,” Tank landed a solid punch to Vince’s mid-section, “that Stephanie is a very nice Lady.”

 

Vince coughed and tried to suck in some air.  He didn’t have much time.  Tank hooked his arm under and around Vince’s shoulder.  “I KNOW,” He flipped him over and Vince landed hard on the floor, “that she had a 90% capture rate – one of the best averages for a bounty hunter in the country.” 

 

Tank reached out his hand and pulled Vince back to his feet.  He spun him around into a choke-hold.  “I KNOW,” he landed his foot in the back of Vince’s knee and the man went down, “that the Lady – without any military, police or self-defense training – shot a man five times in the heart all within an inch of each other and she did it THROUGH her purse.”

 

Vince was hauled to his feet, spun around and slammed against the wall again.  Tank wrapped his hand around the smaller man’s throat.  He leaned in and spoke very quietly.  “And, I also know that if Ranger hears you make a comment about Stephanie – any comment – they will never find your body.”  Vince’s eyes widened a little at that, but he knew with a chilling certainty that Tank was not exaggerating.  It wasn’t broadcast publicly, but it was widely known within the Rangeman building that Ranger Manoso had killed Eddie Abruzzi to protect Stephanie Plum.  He had no doubt whatsoever that Ranger could (and would) make him disappear if he caught wind of this conversation.  He gave Tank a curt nod and the big man backed off.  “Now, get back to work.”

 

Vince pulled out his chair, sat down and then discreetly checked his pants.

 

A few minutes later, Ranger walked in.  He strolled over to Tank, “Everything going OK?”

 

Tank cast a glance in the direction of the security station. “Yeah, things have been fine.  How’d she do at the range?”

 

Ranger unrolled the target he had in his hand and held it up for Tank’s inspection.  There was one bullet hole in the head, 5 in the heart…and one in the crotch.  The two men looked at each other and smiled. 

 

“That’s my Babe.”