Buffy wasn't sure who she was more angry with: Faith, Angel or herself. She could still see Faith writhing on top of Angel on that marble floor as she made her way to the library to meet with the Scoobies and realized that she probably should not have hidden in the shadows and watched. All the way to her house where she met up with the dark couple, she had that vision firmly implanted in her mind. When the three of them arrived at the mansion and their subterfuge went into full swing, she could still see him, lying there on the floor beneath her. As much as she believed that he was truly acting, that he was doing exactly what she asked, it didn't change the picture of it in her mind. It didn't change what was true. It couldn't.

She couldn't stop seeing those large, beautiful hands on Faith's body, buried in her hair, caressing the red leather covering her back. Buffy bit back the urge to vomit as she remembered her sister Slayer grinding her pelvis against Angel's.

Buffy laid in bed that night and let the events run through her mind. She didn't want to be angry with Angel. If anything, she wanted to run to the mansion, dive into his arms and stay there. Only she knew she wasn't the most recent person in those arms. She was the one who had asked him to do it, but he did it too well. He was too believable. In fact, the look of lust on his face when he looked at Faith, while the same evil girl was preparing to carve her up, sent shivers down her spine. The want and desire in his eyes looked real to her. She knew that expression well. It was the one he had at his most carnal moments, the moment before they engaged in some sexual act that nearly broke the boundaries of the curse. No torture was worse than seeing them together like that.

Equally haunting was the pain in his dark eyes when she told him she wanted a break, when he asked if she was still his girl. She swallowed a sob and hugged Mr. Gordo more closely to her side as she recalled the tone of his voice, as if it would break if he uttered one more syllable. She had walked calmly out of the mansion and once she was out of sight, she took off in a dead run. Her not so sensible shoes impeded the speed that she wanted to reach. She wanted to run until there was no longer a place to go, she wanted to find Faith and beat her until she was a bloody spot on the Hellmouth, she wanted to cry until she used up every bit of moisture inside her.

Buffy Summers hated herself, she hated her life and she was struggling not to hate her lover.

***

oh, and now you won't even look at me
you pass me by in the street and you won't even speak
i never, i never, i never meant to cause you any harm
how could two people start so close and end up so far

Angel followed Buffy that night, running swiftly and silently behind his beloved, feeling as if what he had done with Faith that night almost equaled one of the past horrors he had committed when he was souless. He watched in the shadows as she reached her house and instead of climbing up the tree and going inside, she leaned against the wall and lost herself in sobs. He clenched his fists and fought to stay away as she crumbled to the ground and heaved, dropping tears into the grass.

He waited until she made it into the house before he finally turned to go. He wished he could do something to make it better. Anything at all. If he could get away with it, he would already be tracking the darker Slayer, he would already have her blood on his hands. If the Mayor wasn't impervious to harm, the fucker would already be a distant memory and no longer a threat to his lover or his relationship with her.

But there was nothing he could do.

Nothing.

And it was infuriating.

He hunted until daylight that night, taking out as many vamps and demons as he could find. Even as exhausted as he was when he got home, he couldn't sleep. He spent the day prowling the mansion, trying to do anything to keep his mind off knowing that he had probably lost the woman he loved. He cursed at the huge empty house as he thought about what to do and about what he had done. She had told him to do it! She asked him to pretend he was Angelus and he explained to her what would happen. He told her that things were never easy, but she already knew. They both knew that if they weren't careful, this little charade would destroy them both and now he wasn't sure if it had.

***

one day you said everything was just right
i don't see how
i don't see how it changed overnight

Angel tracked Buffy every night while she was on patrol for the next week. Every second while the sun was down, he knew where she was and what she was doing. He thought it was probably a breach of their agreement, but he didn't care. Not that he completely understood their agreement. Had they broken up? Was he just supposed to wait around until she decided she wasn't sickened by him anymore?

He thought she probably knew he was following her, but it was another detail he also didn't give a shit about. He wanted her to be safe and if he had anything to say about it, he was going to make sure that evil bitch of a Slayer did nothing to hurt his lover. Even if he had to kill her with his bare hands and send himself back to the beginning of his struggle for redemption, it would be worth it to know that Buffy was unharmed.

This evening as Angel was following her, he became more and more concerned about her. He wasn't entirely sure if it had to do with him or something else, but she seemed nervous and twitchy. When she pulled out her compact and began examining herself in the middle of the sidewalk, he was certain she wasn't checking her make up. He approached her quietly, but not so silently that she would have missed his approach if she hadn't been so focused on her reflection.

"Still got a mouth," she said softly to herself. Snapping the lid closed, she turned and jumped as she saw him standing there.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

"It's okay," she answered, looking not so irritated as afraid. Angel thought she looked as if she thought she was going to burst into flames at any moment. It was unnerving. "I didn't see you, so I should have know you were there. What are you doing here?"

"It's a dangerous time," Angel said, searching for a reason to be following her around as he had every night since she broke up with him or took a break from him or whatever the hell she had done, "You know, with Faith."

"Yeah...Faith," Buffy said, immediately tensing at the mentioning of her enemy's name, "She...well...Faith, what can ya say about her?"

Angel fell into step with Buffy as she headed down the path and spoke again, "I just wanna make sure you're, you know, okay. That you're safe."

"And the fact that you're right here, does that mean Faith's around?" Buffy asked, turning to face him, "Are you keeping me safe by tracking me or are you tracking her?"

"I'm tracking you," Angel said, feeling frustration rising in him that he immediately had to tamp down. Obviously, whatever was upsetting her was not entirely about him or Faith, "Something's bothering you."

"A lot of things," Buffy answered honestly and turned to walk away again, knowing Angel would follow, "The most recent being this demon. Actually two. I touched one them and now I'm gonna get a big case of the bumpies or a tail or something."

"Aspect of the demon," Angel said grimly, remembering the demon he had seen her fight the other night. He hadn't thought the demon was a threat. They were fairly virile and strong but nothing too strong to overpower the Slayer. He had kept to the shadows and watched the magnificence of her battle that night and now he regretted not helping, even if doing so would have broken his cover.

"You know the drill," Buffy answered, fighting the urge to break into hysterical laughter. How was it that her life was so screwed up? Only Buffy Summers would be at risk of breaking into some demonic form any minute and when she discussed the possible metamorphosis with her demon boyfriend, he would know all about it. Figures, she thought with frustration.

"By rumor," he mumbled, "That doesn't mean anything. I mean, sometimes, demons, they just exaggerate their power."

"Demon hype," Buffy said, knowing Angel was trying to help, but was fairly certain his attempt at a pep talk was not going to change her ghastly outcome, "Maybe not. I spend all my time in the dark here anyway. It's not like I'd be at a game, you know, with my friends, where someone could see me and my new monster part.

"Hey," Angel said, pulling her arm and turning her to face him, "I won't let anything happen to you if I can help it. No matter what, I'll always be with you. Hey, I love you, even if you're covered with slime."

"I liked everything until that part," Buffy mumbled and looked into his eyes. She saw the love he professed pouring out from them, but in spite of that, all she could see was those eyes on Faith, those lips on Faith and those hands all over Faith. She shrugged him off and started away, but he took a few rapid steps forward and pulled her to him again, this time pulling her against his chest. He looked deeply into her eyes before he spoke again, "I know you want time apart, Buffy, and I'll do what you want me too, but I miss you. I miss you every second we're apart and every night that I have to stay away."

"Me too," she whispered, feeling tears fill her eyes, "But...I'm not ready, Angel. I'm sorry...I can't."

He allowed her to pull away again and said softly to her retreating form, "I'll be here when you're ready."

***

i've looked up from the bottom and i've stared down from above
and i have faith in few things

Buffy hurried toward the mansion the next day as her teacher's words flitted through her mind again and again, We all have our little internal Iagos that tell us our husbands or our girlfriends or whatever don't really love us. But you never really see what's in someone's heart. Well, with her new monster part, that was thankfully internal rather than external, she could see Angel's heart. She would know if he really wanted Faith or not. With one little gaze into his beautiful mind, she would know the truth. She only hoped what she found out wouldn't hurt her.

She didn't think Angel would be standing there when she swept away the curtain. She closed it quickly and stepped in as he lifted his arm to shield himself from the bright light pouring in with his lover. Buffy found herself spouting from the mouth as she followed him into the great room of the mansion, not giving him a chance to speak - not that she thought that he would. He looked as if he had just woken up and she knew that he was even more monosyllabic then than usual, but when he did speak...the sound of his deep rumbling voice....

"Um...you look good," Buffy said and then thought about thumping her head on the nearest wall. She already sounded like a babbling idiot, but she couldn't seem to stop herself. Buffy kept talking and talking, leaning in as they sat on the couch, struggling to get anything from him. With the mention of Faith's name, Angel's eyes snapped to hers, but she couldn't hear any of this thoughts, not so much of an inner grunt. Knowing that it had to work, she continued, but after way too many words, he finally interrupted her.

"You can't get into my mind," Angel said, finally, deciding to end Buffy's strain. She was concentrating so hard on his mind, he was fairly certain she didn't even know what she was saying.

Buffy wasn't sure if she was relieved or angry about the news. First of all, how come everything had to be so damn difficult when it came to Angel? Even after all this time together, she still didn't know how his mind worked. She would have loved to have one small glimpse into his thoughts, to know how he truly felt about her. When Angel explained the reason she couldn't read his mind, she wondered how he knew. Had this sort of thing happened before?

She found herself holding her breath through half of their conversation. Even as he confessed that he had been involved with dozens or more bad girls like Faith, she felt a calm she hadn't felt in over a week settling over her.

"I mean, there's no comparison," he said, sitting so close to her they were nearly touching shoulders and thighs, "In two hundred forty three years, I've loved exactly one person."

Buffy sat there with him for a couple of minutes after they were done speaking and basked in the silence. It was then that she realized that she really hadn't had any mental calm at all since she had received her aspect of the demon. Once again, just being with Angel brought her peace.

Angel sat there and watched her internal monologue, wondering what she was thinking. He too wished he had the ability to read her mind as much as she wanted to read his. If he knew what to do or say to make this better, he would...in a second.

"I should go back to school," she said, standing up and inching away, "I just wanted to...you know, stop by and try to invade your mind."

"Are we still on a break?" he asked, standing as well and shoving his hands in his pockets as he always did when he was trying not to touch her.

"I don't know," she said, shrugging her shoulders, "Can we talk tonight?"

"Sure," he said, nodding and regretting that the word came out so bitterly. He stayed still as she approached him, her narrow hips swinging in that tight gray skirt. She kissed his cheek softly and caressed the cheek she had kissed with her warm fingertips.

"I love you, Angel," she whispered and before he could answer, she hurried away, back into the day where he would never be able to follow. He sat back down on the couch and slumped there, cursing the day and cursing Faith.

***

wish there was something now i could say or do
i can resist anything but the temptation from you

That evening, Buffy did not show up to talk to Angel, but Giles had, requesting his help to save Buffy. He went hunting for the other demon and nearly fried himself trying to get the potion to her. The moments sitting by her bedside, waiting to see if it would take effect were the longest in his life. He was scared to death that it wouldn't work, that she would go insane before she could be saved.

He ended up waiting out the day in her house while she went to stop the threat at school and he was thrilled that Joyce went back to work rather than staying with him. As he waited, he remembered the first day he spent in her house while she was at school. He thought he was more beautiful now than she had been then, if it was possible. It seemed like she became more ravishing and more desirable every day...especially now that he couldn't make love to her and that he knew it for certain.

He was asleep on her bed when she came home after school. He woke up when he felt her little body curled up behind his, her strong arms wrapped around him and her face pressed against his back. She sighed and then breathed him in deeply, snuggling against him.

He carefully turned over in her arms to face her, looking into her exhausted hazel eyes, "Big day?"

"Biggest," she mumbled, scooting closer to him in her narrow bed.

"Did you get the bad guy?" he asked, caressing her back gently.

"Bad chick," she answered, "And yes. School lunch lady was trying to poison everyone and I had to stop one of the students from committing suicide, but it's all good now."

"Good," he said, kissing her forehead, "It'll be dark soon. I should probably go."

"Stay," she whispered, turning over and pulling his arms around her waist, "Just until I fall asleep."

"Your mother..." he said, trailing off. He inhaled her deeply and tried to make out her little murmured response as her intertwined her fingers with his and pulled him more tightly against her. Kissing her head, he settled in and closed his eyes, relaxing with her.

Several hours later, Angel woke in the dark in Buffy's room, surprised that he had fallen back asleep and that her mother had not bothered them. He guessed that the past week had been more stressful than he thought. Even though he usually didn't require much sleep, he needed either sleep, blood or Buffy to survive and he had been deprived of all of them lately. He eased away from his little Slayer and sat on the edge of the bed. As he bent to put on his shoes, he felt her stir behind him.

"Angel, are you leaving?" she whispered, reaching out and allowing her fingertips to touch his lower back.

"Yes," he said, pivoting to face her, "I thought I should let you get some sleep and get out of here before your mother comes...or the sun rises."

"Mom knows you're here," she said quietly, "She came in a couple of hours ago and found us here. You didn't wake up. You really sleep like the dead, you know. No pun intended."

"It's been a long week," he said, shrugging, "Haven't slept that hard since the last time you spent the night with me."

"Mmmm," she said, stretching languidly, "Me either. I feel so safe in your arms...like nothing can touch me but you."

"Me too," he whispered, sweeping down to brush her lips. As he did, he remembered their past accidents and the almost losing of his soul. He pulled away quickly and bent again to put on his shoes.

"Don't," she said, tugging on his arm, "Don't be afraid of us, Angel. Please."

"We're dangerous. You know that, Buffy," he said, "I can't make love to you and I should go before I forget it."

"Yes, you can," she objected, pulling him back down on the bed. He settled his weight on her and she released a slight moan of pleasure. She loved his weight pressing down on her, reminding her that he was real, that what they had was real.

"It's not the same," he said, shaking his head, "And every time I touch you, there's a risk, Buffy. We shouldn't have done a lot of the things we've done."

"It is the same," she said in a whispered yell, "When you touch me, when your hands are on my body, when you kiss me, it is making love. You make love to me all the time, Angel. You know you do."

She wrapped her legs around him and tightened them, locking him against her as she felt his arousal grow, pressing against her through both of their clothes. Her own arousal flooded as she felt his and she squeezed against him more tightly.

"Please, just let me go," he whimpered.

"Please," she echoed in an identical whimper, "We've come so far, Angel. Don't move backwards now."

"You're so beautiful," he said, tracing the delicate line of her jaw. She leaned up and without thinking of the consequences, she covered his lips with her own. She felt his resolve fading away, as the kiss deepened, as he lost himself in her hot, pressing mouth. He delved into her mouth a little further and pulled her closer, taking possession of his mate. She arched against him, feeling him all over her body and she knew that she wouldn't trade the act of actual intercourse with another man, not when she had this, not when she had him. And after spending a week away from him, she was certain she didn't want to spend another day like that.

"Guess we're done with the break then," he whispered, against her lips.

"I'm sorry, Angel," she croaked, "I just couldn't stand the idea of you with Faith. I couldn't take it if I thought you wanted her more than you wanted me."

"I don't want anyone the way I want you, Buffy," he said, "I just don't know if I can stand to be with you like this. We take more every time and one day, we're going to lose everything."

"We won't," she said, her eyes wide with pleading, "We won't. I promise."

"Some days I think it would be worth it," he whispered, "It would be worth it to make love to you and lose my soul. Some nights, I lay in bed and it's all I can do to keep away from you. Every night this week, I almost came to your window."

"We'll be okay," she answered, "We always are."

"One day..."

"No," she said, a little too loudly and then quieted her voice, "Don't even think it. There is no ‘one day.' There's just you and me. We'll be okay."

"Buffy..."

"Don't," she whispered, "Just touch me, Angel."

He thought about resisting but she threaded her fingers through his hair and pulled him down for another passionate kiss. She melted him as she pressed her ever tempting heat against his throbbing groin. She sucked every bit of hesitation from him and kissed him more deeply as she felt him molding against her in the way only Angel could.

He kissed her with the passion of a dying man, groaning into her mouth as she writhed against him, causing his long unused organs to boil inside his body. He allowed his hands the freedom to travel over her, reacquainting himself with her curves. He marveled once again at how perfect she was as he kissed his way down her neck. He slowly unbuttoned her shirt and pulled it open to reveal more velvet flesh. He took his time, brushing his lips over her satin bra and suckling her hardening nipples through it. He loved the sound of her little moan as he sucked her satin and lace clad breasts, biting at her covered nipples.

He finally sat up and pulled her up with him so he could slip her shirt away. As he removed her bra, delighting in the sight of her breasts falling free of their confinement, she removed his shirt as well and smoothed her little hands over his chest. He kissed her shoulders as he wrapped his arms around her and traced the gentle lines of her back. Leaning down to kiss her again, he marveled once again about how passionate she was, how she gave her whole soul in her love. She allowed him to roll on top of her and admitted his weight as he continued to worship her mouth. She mewled in his mouth and arched back against him, wrapping her strong legs around his waist once more as they ground at each other through their clothes.

She tasted like heaven, so soft and warm and alive, that he couldn't keep himself from sliding her pants away as well. When she was finally bared to his gaze, he looked back on the gorgeous body of his lover beneath him, lying against the bed, flushed with need. He inhaled her arousal and was getting dizzy from the sweet scent of her pooled want as he latched his cool mouth on one of erect, bared nipples. Before he knew it, one of his hands had found it's way between her thighs and he groaned against her breasts as his fingers came in contact with her dripping folds.

"Angel," she gasped, arching against him as she felt his fingers slip inside her slick heat. As his fingers delved inside of her, he found his body instinctively knew her, as if he hadn't done this many times before that his body would still know her.

"I love the way you taste," he whispered against her tight belly, kissing down her body. She blushed as he spread her legs wider and pressed his face in at the juncture of her thighs, inhaling deeply, "God, you smell so good."

She shuddered as pleasure shot through her body when he lapped up her honey, twisting his fingers in and out of her. Her breaths were coming out in short gasps as he slipped his fingers away and replaced them with his tongue, delving into her silken channel, lapping at her velvet core. He journeyed into her pleasure and found paradise there, rediscovering the taste of her and the sweet passion that was only Buffy.

"Angel," she groaned again as she pressed herself against his face, lifting her hips from the bed. Smiling against her sweet flesh, he moved up and scraped his teeth over her neglected clit, sliding two fingers back inside of her. She ground out a moan as he sucked the swollen flesh into his mouth and traced it with the tip of his tongue. His cock throbbed as she finally came, writhing beneath him, trembling violently as her inner muscles clamped around his fingers. He couldn't help but remember what it felt like when that same soft, silky flesh was fluttering around his cock, when he had filled her.

He shook off the thought as he kissed his way back up her body and found her lips again. She was breathing heavily into his mouth as he kissed her and felt her dripping heat pressing against him. Her arousal was seeping through his pants and he kissed her harder, trying to forget that only one easily removable piece of material kept him from making love to her.

Buffy, however, wasn't trying to forget that as she gripped his shoulders and pressed her hot core harder against his hidden erection. Using Slayer speed and strength, she flipped them and made short work of the material encasing his erect cock. He bucked against her involuntarily as her hot, tiny hand wrapped around his turgid length.

She was so lethal to his soul, bent over him, completely and gloriously nude. She swiped her thumb over the tip of him before her pink tongue appeared and followed the path her tongue had made. Settling in, she sucked him into her mouth, loving the taste of him, the way he struggled not to move against her, the way he clutched the bed and mostly, she loved that when she did this, he always breathed. The sound of his quickened unneeded breath was always proof of his pleasure just as much as the feel of his hard, satin flesh changing from cool room temperature to her temperature.

"I wish I could be inside you," he groaned as she sucked him into her mouth, taking him shallowly at first.

"You are inside me, Angel," she whispered throatily, quirking a sarcastic smile and meeting his lust dazed eyes, "Pay attention."

"Believe me, love," he groaned back as she wrapped hand more tightly around him and licked the tender underside of his length, "You have my complete attention."

His head fell back against her pillows, circling his brain even more with her scent and her presence as her sweet sucking mouth, made his voice crack. Her lips, teeth, tongue and hands worked in perfect concert as she pleasured him and he thought, not for the first time and certainly not the last, that this tiny woman was made just for him. Some nights he was tempted to believe that the powers had her in mind when they allowed Darla to turn him. Like he was born to this earth to fight with this beautiful girl, to protect her, to love her and to earn redemption by her side.

As he felt his climax nearing, he kept himself from roaring her name and waking up her mother and as always, that tiny bit of fear crept in, interfering with complete delirium. If he lost his soul one night when he was tempting fate with his lover, he only hoped that she would destroy him quickly.

He moaned her name as he spilled his seed and felt her throat muscles contracting. He gasped there as she kissed his stomach, ribs and chest, pausing to suckle his nipples. He buried his hands in her silky hair as she worshiped his cool flesh.

"I love you more every day," he whispered, when she finally made it back to his lips.

"Me too," she whispered back, "Don't be afraid, Angel. We'll be okay."

"I know, baby," he answered, holding her tightly against him and closing his eyes, "I know."

***

Please let me know what you thought of this part. Before anyone asks about it, I probably will not be writing another part to this fic. I think I am done with it as of now, although, I have thought of writing sort of a sequel. I hope you enjoyed this little smutfest.

Cheers,
Tango